


Let It Die

by tobeflyhaikyuu



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Other, ghost patton, let it die, startset
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-06-09 23:43:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15278826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobeflyhaikyuu/pseuds/tobeflyhaikyuu
Summary: Patton is dead.Logan and Virgil got the call and their world came crashing down. Except... Logan isn't letting go. He wants to defy life, he wants to bring Patton back. He drives deep into research, steals Patton's corpse and does everything he can. I wonder how that's going to work





	1. in which Logan is officially insane

**Author's Note:**

> Based off Startset's song! This chapter has some triggers like death, description of a corpse etc... Hope you enjoy, please leave a comment!

Logan’s denim jacket was not nearly thick enough to help shield himself from the cold air. It got inside his sleeves and clung to him in what could represent a perfect metaphor of the events that transpired two days before. But now… now he needed to deal with something else.

Standing outside his own house’s gate, he cursed himself for entering in such a forgetful state. Hours prior, he had left in a hurry to avoid Virgil, and so grabbing a decent cold attire slipped his mind entirely. He had remembered to take his car, of course, solemnly because he could not go where he wanted to if he did not have it with him. He shivered out in the night because of this. At midnight, to be more precise.

After pushing the front gate’s call button, Logan waited for a response which he knew would come from Virgil.

His friend’s voice came through less than a minute later. “Who is it?”

“Me, Virgil.” He replied. “It’s Logan.”

“Log-” The voice was cut short as the buzzing sound interrupted it. “Just come inside where I can murder you.”

Logan sighed before making his way inside the car. “Of course.”

Driving it inside, he was calm with a relaxed posture and seemingly no worried thoughts. He was calmer than anyone would be after having Virgil telling them he would murder them. Which he would not actually do, Logan knew, but he could be quite menacing.

Virgil met him in the garage. He had wide eyes, furrowed eyebrows and a slightly opened - in surprise - mouth. The bangs falling over his eyes made it hard for Logan to distinguish the emotion they should be showing. Frankly, he thought, it could be anywhere from relief to rage. He had not warned Virgil about his leaving so late at night after all.

“What the fuck, dude?” Virgil stretched out each word slowly as he shot his arms slightly up. “When did you even leave? And what for? It’s almost one in the morning.”

“And yet you’re still awake.” Logan fired back, closing the car door behind him. “Is the insomnia worsening once more?”

Taking a deep breath, Virgil put a hand over his nose and pointed a finger at Logan. “You are changing the subject. Where did you go, Logan?”

To lock the car, he faced his keys back and clicked on the lock button. “Cemetery.”

The single word made Virgil’s rigid expression melt. Logan watched his eyebrows and nose relaxing, and his lips curling up into a concerned rather than angry frown.

“Logan…”

“Yes, I went to see Patton.” He answered the unasked question. “It has only been two days, Virgil. I am allowed to mourn.”

“I never said you weren’t.” Virgil snapped back.

“Good.” Logan nodded. “Good.” He slid his back against the car. “Now, I think I will be here for a while. You may go back inside, Virgil.”

“Are you sure, Lo? I’m hurting too. But you knew him for way longer than I did.” His friend crouched down next to him, resting his hands on his knees. “I can stay with you. If you want that is.”

“I would prefer to be alone.” Logan lowered his head, holding his glasses into place.

Virgil stayed in that position for about another minute before standing up and nodding. “Alright. I’ll be upstairs..”

Logan watched as his friend walked away, stopping at the garage door. Virgil hovered around for yet another minute before finally leaving. Once the footsteps died down, once Logan was sure Virgil wasn’t too close by, he unlocked his car again.

He went to the trunk, pulling the top open. A long big black stuffed trash bag lied on the back of the car, Logan pulled it out as carefully as he could. The end of the bag ended up hitting the side of the trunk, Logan cursed himself and put the bag down on the floor close it. That bump would certainly leave a purple spot.

There was a ninety five percent chance Virgil was still awake but his room was upstairs. Logan needed to go downstairs. Thankfully they would not to cross paths. And since the basement was the one place in the house that Virgil refused to set foot into due to an accident he had going down those stairs when he was ten years old, Logan felt it was save to set up everything there.

So he dragged the bag across the floor in silence and with care to the possible extent. Getting to the stairs, he held it close to his chest and off the floor, going down as he wobbled himself and it to keep the balance.

The day before Logan had set up a small laboratory from himself down there. It had a big metal table in the center, a smaller wooden table rested next to the left wall with his chemistry materials in it, some electric machines at the right of that and lots of pens and papers… everywhere. Logan proceeded to the metal table and lay the bag on in. The fear of opening it now consumed him. He already knew what, or rather who, he’d find there so that was irrational, illogical and unusual of him.

Trembling, he pulled the edges of the bag, rolling them to reveal a face that was attached to a body. Patton’s face, and Patton’s body. Still seemingly untouched, just a little paler than usual.

And now that Logan was all alone, staring at the result of his midnight get away, it dawned on him just exactly it was that he had done.

He had left home in the middle of the night, desecrated holy ground and dug out one of his best friend’s graves and brought his corpse home. Doing all those things ranked first in the list of weirdest, unsafe and maniac things he’s ever done, which was not that long to begin with.

Logan was just about to officially declare himself insane when-

“Logan?” Patton’s voice echoed through the four thick walls, loudly. But it sounded… wrong.

He could tell it was Patton’s but only due to the innocence in it. Because the pitch was lower and the tone bordered on aggressive.

Shaking his head, Logan dismissed the thought easily because of such differences. Also, the sole idea that Patton had just called out his name was preposterous, to say the least. His dead body lied still on Logan’s table, he was not able to talk. He hadn’t been for the past two days and counting.

“Lo?” It came again.

This time, the voice was not alone. It was accompanied by the faint silhouette of a familiar face standing on the opposite wall from Logan.

“Patton?” He called back and stopped himself from saying anything else.

He was talking to himself now, for universe’s sake! Patton was dead and the loss of a close friend had caused him to have illusions. Hurtful illusions.

“Logan!” Patton’s voice now was lower and softer, sounding more like himself. But the silhouette was still faint.

_I will not converse with whoever or whatever that is. I know it not to be Patton._

Crouching down next to the wooden table, Logan turned his back on the corpse and clung to the edges of wood in front of him. ‘Patton’ remained quiet as he leaned his head on the table. Logan took deep breaths with his eyes closed.

“Wait- This is me!” The illusion, Logan had declared with a hundred percent certainty that that’s what it was, yelled out. “Lo, did I die?”

_Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it, ignore it, ign-_

“Did they lay me down on a board?” It chuckled. Just the way Patton did. “I sure do feel just as stiff as one!”

And it was complete with the awful dad jokes too. Logan groaned at it as a reflex, before remembering he was supposed to be ignoring the illusion.

“I caught you, Lo.” It sang. “You can hear me loud and crystal clear, can’t you?”

_Do not answer, do not answer, do not an-_

“Well now I have the spirit to do anything, don’t I?” Patton’s heartfelt chuckle filled the room again, giving a giant tight squeeze to Logan’s heart.

_Ignore it, ignore i-_

“Logan, you need to tell me.” It became serious for a second. “How pale do I look now? Maybe more than Virgil?”

_Do not answ-_

“Well this is certainly being one heck of a haunting experience!”

“STOP IT!” Logan closed his eyes, turning to the illusion and grabbing his own hair. “Stop it now. You are not Patton. Patton is deceased, he is in that table right there and there are no such things as ghosts. I would appreciate it if you, whoever or whatever you may be, just left.”

“You’re really hurting, Lo?” It questioned, but Logan never opened his eyes or responded in any way. “Okay… Don’t worry… I’ll, I’ll be leaving now.”

The environment became warmer in an instant. Logan breathed in deep and finally looked at something other than blackness. Walking over to the metal table, he stared down at Patton’s corpse.

If he wanted to keep it fresh and slow down any deterioration, he would need to lower the room’s temperature and get Patton’s blood back up and running again somehow. Not even completely, just enough to keep his skin cells from dying and buy Logan time. He also needed to elevate the table to avoid discoloring in the face. And he made a mental note to buy a cat soon, to get the cat litter without raising any suspicious. He could use that to mask the smell. If he lived alone, it might not be such a problem in the short run but with Virgil there… it would certain be wise to do anything possible about it.

He needed to start working now if he wanted to bring Patton back to life.


	2. in which the news hit them hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: alluding to abusive relationship and talk about death

Two days before…

The day had started pretty well for Virgil. He hadn’t had any nightmares that he could remember, he woke up with freshly baked cookies on his nightstand and when going to the kitchen downstairs, he met Patton.

The man was washing the dishes and didn’t see Virgil arriving with his plate of cookies. He was turning around when Virgil poked him on the shoulder.

His face lit up as he dropped the sponge in the sink.

“Kiddo!” He held his hands full of foam and the sponge up in the air. “You’re up, how are you doing?”

Sitting down on the counter, Virgil put a cookie in his mouth. “I’m good, Pat.” He mumbled and shot his head up. “You?”

Patton nodded, closing the water tap and turning to Virgil. “I’m doing good too, kiddo. How are exams going?”

A sigh came as he buried his face in his hands. “Correction, I was good.”

Making his way around the counter, Patton sat next to Virgil with furrowed eyebrows but the latter did not see it. He put a hand on Virgil’s shoulder and it made the boy shuddered, freezing. The action had came as a surprise to him and he hadn’t gotten used to being touched in a… friendly way yet.

“Oh.” Patton pulled his hand back. “I’m sorry, kiddo. I just wanted to ask if things are that bad as school.”

Virgil shook his head. “It’s…It’s fi…. And… And… It’s, pressure, I-”

Bawling his hands into fists until his knuckles turned white, Virgil sunk his nails on his skin. He was stammering, tripping over his own words and he hated it. It made him remember times when his mother yelled to get an answer out of him, when he wasn’t able to speak and she yelled at him more for it. And thinking about it, that was probably why he stammered now.

He had to remind himself that Patton was still waiting for a response. But the man was so patient, he would wait until the next day if Virgil left him hanging. He didn’t want to do that.

Taking several deep breath, Virgil told himself to relax his hands. It took him awhile do so but once he did, he also cleared his throat a couple of times before talking again. “It’s just the pressure, I don’t handle it so well.”

“Hm…” Patton let out. “Hmm…”

Virgil had no idea what that meant. He turned his head to face Patton. “What is it?”

“Nothing, kiddo.” The man smiled wide. “I just had an idea, that’s all.”

“You’re not going to tell me what is it, will you?”

“Nope!” He booped Virgil’s nose. “I want it to be a surprise.”

The sound of that made Virgil anxious, both the surprise and the bop. He buried his neck in his own shoulders and stuffed his mouth with cookies after saying, “I don’t like surprises.”

But another smile came from Patton. “This is going to be a good one, I promise.”

“I don’t like surprises.” Virgil simply repeated.

Surprises was when her mother came to the house drunk at night, with a just as equally drunk man holding her by the waist. It was when she pushed Virgil out of the house for saying the wrong thing. Surprises were when his mother had breakdowns in the middle of the night, blasted the door of his room open, and started to drag him awake and outside just to beat the shit out of him.

Surprises were everything shitty that had ever happened to him.

“Kiddo…” Patton gave a him an empathetic look. “I would never to anything I know you won’t like. But if you don’t like the word surprise… Let’s just call it a gift then!”

“A gift?” Virgil raised one of his eyebrows  as he spoke.

He hadn’t gotten gifts before. Obviously, his mother had never bothered. The rest of his family wasn’t that fond of him either. And he’d only been living with Logan for six months. His friend was kind and never mistreated him, but Virgil doesn’t think Logan is the type to randomly give gifts. He needed a reason, like a birthday or Christmas, none of which had passed by just yet.

“Yes, a gift.” Patton beamed. “And I promise you’ll like it.”

Virgil hummed and tapped his fingers on the counter. “Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He nodded once.

“It’ll be good, kidd-” A beeping noise cut off what Patton was saying. It was his wrist watch. “Well, I have an appointment at the doctors. I’ll see you later!”

He walked himself to the door, Virgil remained on his seat as Patton turned the knob. There was the click and Virgil watched him opening the door.

“See you later, Pat.” He replied before Patton could close it.

The man smiled wide before leaving. Virgil was left with a feeling of anxiousness, with the suspense hanging in the air. Trust was something he struggled with and even knowing Patton only had the best of intentions, Virgil still shook at the thought of his gift.

But he also wanted to dismiss it as a line Patton had said to distract Virgil. Maybe he hadn’t actually thought of anything and just said he did to give Virgil something else to focus on. Was the man that clever? Logan certainly was, however, Virgil wasn’t so sure with Patton. And what would be the point of getting him frustrated over another thing, anyhow? Even if it was so help, Virgil would still be anxious so it wouldn’t actually help that much.

No, Patton did have an idea and he was getting Virgil that gift. He just hoped it’d be harmless.

The sound of the front door opening again pulled him out of his deep thoughts, which were getting scarier and scarier by the millisecond. He turned on the chair, watching as Logan struggled to pass through the crack with supermarket plastic bags before going to help him.

“I see Patton has left already?” Logan let Virgil get the bags he had on his left arm. “His car isn’t in the driveway.”

“Yeah…” Virgil went to the kitchen, setting them on the counter and looking through them. “He left me cookies. Want some?”

Logan set his bags on the sink. “Just one, yes, please.” Leaning over the counter, Virgil pulled the plate of cookies to the edge where Logan could get it. “Thank you.”

After they were done organizing the groceries and folding the plastic bags, Logan sat on the couch with Virgil. “When do you wish to start today’s lesson?”

Logan also so happened to be Virgil’s tutor. They had always known each other from school, even with Logan being two years older. So now that Virgil was a senior, Logan was at his second year of college. He’d began tutoring for Virgil for free for two main reasons:

1\. He wasn’t exactly tutoring for the money.

2\. He had had some knowledge about Virgil’s relationship with his parents and knew that there was no way in hell they’d pay a tutor

Virgil was immensely grateful.

“Now’s good.” He moved to the stairs. “Just let me grab my stuff.”

He missed Logan’s nod as he walked up to his room. It was… slightly messy but organized enough to let Virgil find his notebooks and pencil case. They were under the covers of his bed, because Virgil was that type of person to do everything on his bed.

Racing down the stairs, Virgil hoped he hadn’t kept his friend waiting for too long. But as he did so, Logan sent his a look, meaning he was about to give him a lecture. Probably about not running down the stairs.

“I would prefer if you did not break any bones, Virgil.” The man said. “I think it would be very distressing for both of us, no?”

Retracting his head a little, Virgil furrowed his eyebrows as he sat next to Logan. “Why would it be distressing for you?”

“I’m your friend.” He shrugged in response. “And technically responsible for you.”

“So you’re saying you’d have to pay the medical bills.” Virgil pushed his things on the table.

“Those prices are a disgrace…” Logan shook his head slowly before stopping and sighing. “But effectively, what I am saying is, that I care. Or else, we would not be here right now.”

That got a little smile out of Virgil, that he chose to not show. “Okay.”

“So…” Logan grabbed his notebook and set it over his crossed legs. “Where shall we start?”

A couple of hours later…

Being their vacation, neither man had any classes to attend to. But Logan had left to see a museum while Virgil passed that offer because… he just wasn’t that interested in an exhibit about paleontology discoveries. No, he stayed at the house, watching Doctor Who for the 238943250923rd time.

And then, the phone rang. The house phone.

Virgil paused Netflix and grabbed the phone, answering.

“Hello, this is Virgil?” He greeted after the person didn’t say anything for the first minute.

“Y-Yes?” The voice came shaky and… struggling. “I-I think I got… I have the wrong house, I am looking for Logan?”

“This is his house, I’m his… roomate.” It was easier to say that than say ‘a friend that lives with him’.

“Oh… Is he there, I-I need to talk to him.” A pause. “Wait… you said y-your name was Virgil?”

“Yes…”

“You… You knew Patton, my son, didn’t you?”

“Knew him? What, did he die or something?” Virgil asked. “I just saw him this morning.”

The person on the other side gulped, the sound was amplified by the phone. There was a decent amount of uncomfortable silence before they spoke again.

“Yes.” Whimpering. “Patton… Patton died. In a car crash, over half… half an hour ago.”

Virgil froze.  Silence fell again on both sides. There were no more words to be said. Patton’s parent hung up on the other side after shakingly asking Virgil to let Logan know.

There were plans. Patton was supposed to come over for dinner, he was supposed to cook the goddamn dinner because Logan and Virgil had eaten the same few things for four days in a row and Patton wasn’t having it so he invited himself to cook for them at least once a week, he was supposed to get there tonight. Logan had gone to the supermarket to get food for Patton to make, he woke up early to go there, he would never admit it in a million years but he looked forward for that weekly event every day, he loved Patton as much as Virgil did. Virgil was supposed to give him his birthday present today, just three days late, because he couldn’t find the goddamn onesie Patton said he wanted but then he did and today was the day he was supposed to give it to him and he had been looking forward to see that ever growing smile on the man’s face.

None of that was going to happen now.

Logan would not come back from the museum visit for another two hours. During that time, Virgil lay in his bed and tried to resume the Doctor Who episode. The keyword there being ‘tried’. His mind wasn’t on Ten fighting the Master anymore. How could it be? It was rewatching so either way, he didn’t miss anything.

Three episodes went by when Virgil heard the front door opening again. He was in no rush to tell the news to Logan but what would waiting do? Nothing good, that’s for sure.

Running down the stairs for the second time that day, Virgil stopped and gripped the handles tight. Logan noticed his friend’s frazzled state, coming closer to examine him.

“Virgil, are you getting sick again?” Logan questioned. "Tell me the symptoms.”

“No- No, Logan, that’s-” Virgil’s voice cracked, his heart hurting, and tears threatening to fall. He bit the inside of his lips with such force, it hurt but he ignored that. “Patton…” He gulped, desperately hoping the phone would ring again and it would be his friend’s parent again, telling him it was a mistake and that Patton woke up at the hospital, that he would live.

Alas, that didn’t happen.

“Patton died, Lo.” Virgil sat down on the stairs, squeezing his own hands now, looking down at them. “His parent called… they- they… They said it was a car crash. They called to talk to you.”

There was no verbal response from Logan for the next couple of seconds. He just kneeled down in front of Virgil, putting a hand on his knee.

“I will make a call.” Was what he said. “Excuse me.”

Logan stood up, circled around Virgil and went up the stairs. Virgil figure he’d call Patton’s parent, ask for details. There was this one time when Logan told him that the more he could know about an event, the better it was for him to understand it. Not that there were ways to understand early deaths, but that wouldn’t stop Logan.

The next day

The older man never left his room. Not for breakfast - the most important meal of the day -, not for lunch, not for dinner, not to the bathroom, for nothing. And the same was true for Virgil. It was an eventful Sunday, that they took to grieve in silence because the news had become real. After some sleep, both woke up to remember that there was no longer an alive Patton. And they’d never see their friend again.

That was enough to make anyone lose motivation to do anything.

Virgil now saw a wall. A wall that he’d always keep hitting because there were things that only mattered because Patton had been there, things that only made sense when Patton explained it to him and things only Patton made him feel. With no Patton, there would be no more of a big part of Virgil’s life. So there was a wall. A big, towering wall that would never leave or break because Patton was irreplaceable.  

Would all days feel like that void now? Would there always be that hole, would it even diminish, would it even disappear? Virgil was certainly not eager to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls leave a comment


	3. in which Logan gets a cat (and a new friend)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: talk about death and corpse

Back to the present

The table had been elevated, the room’s temperature was set to a cold one, Logan had worked all night down there to make Patton’s corpse less prone to deteriorating. Now he was missing a way to restart his blood and a cat, so he could get the cat litter.

The easier problem to solve was the feline one. There was a pet shelter, walking distance from his house, with some more than adequate animals to adopt. Logan would just have to warn Virgil he was leaving the house and he’d be on his way.

His friend was cooped up inside his own bedroom, the door locked. Logan knocked with a light hand, assuming Virgil was still asleep.

“Virgil?” He called, leaning on the door. “Have I woken you?”

“Nomnhg-” A grunt came, followed by a dragging sound and the door opening.

On the other side, Virgil rubbed his left eye, struggling to stand still due to the drowsiness.

“I am sorry, I just wish to let you know, I am going out.” Logan’s words snapped Virgil awake, judging by the way his posture straightened and his eyes flung opened. “And I may return with a cat, as well as cat supplies.”

"Wait–” Virgil shut his mouth to shake his head for a couple of seconds before looking Logan in the eyes. “What? A cat?”

“Yes.” Logan didn’t hesitate, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Well, we are obviously in a state of grief, depressed, and pets have been proven to help in such cases. And I do like cats.”

“O-Alright… then… Is the store even open though, it’s early?” Virgil backed away, giving him an old stare.

“Well yes.” Logan agreed. “But I also have some other errands to run this morning.”

“Okay…” Virgil dragged on the word. “Have fun… picking us a cat, then!”

Nodding once, Logan made sure to give a smile. “Thank you. And I apologize again, for disturbing your rest.”

“Don’t worry about it.” His friend waved it off as he started closing the door. “It’s just 5 in the morning… of a Friday…”

It was very early. But Logan hadn’t exactly gone to sleep since he woke up the day before. Obviously, that was not a healthy thing to do and Logan would monitor himself to not let it happen again. At the moment though, sleep would not be coming by and Logan was having a hard time staying in that house.

Patton’s face flashed on everything he lay eyes upon, regardless of shape, size of color. And his voice… it rung in Logan’s ears. Maybe the voice wouldn’t leave as he left the house, but it was worth a try, anyhow.

Logan grabbed his phone, his wallet and a coat before heading out. By the time he reached the sidewalk, his wrist clock showed 5:15 am. He had a vague idea of when the shelter would open but he went there to double check. Sure enough, the house building had it’s door closed, with a sign in the front saying **‘closed, we open at 8!'**.

There were two hours and forty five minutes left. What would be open so early in the morning? Bars, probably. But Logan refused to drink his problems away. He turned to the park instead. It was a longer distance from his house than the shelter but the walk would kill time and give him something to focus on.

There were some people walking by the street, some who work night shifts, some who were just awake at this ungodly hour and wanted to leave home like Logan himself. But they were very few, only one person crossing paths with another each block he passed by. Having never been out at this time of day, Logan had never thought of how quiet the environment would be. It was an eerie, uncomfortable thing.

As he reached the park, Logan noticed an oddity. At least, to him it was odd. A young man, same age as he was, had a feet on the ground while the other one was on the park’s bench as he professed something out loud. Logan didn’t really bother to catch what he said, but rather, he decide to focus on his clothing.

The boy had a… big fluffy dress on. It was a elegant garment, but rather outdated. The color was a burnt sort of red, except for the white corset on the front.  Long sleeves went all the way from his shoulders to the wrists, where it had fluffles. Logan assumed he worked somewhere inside the entertainment industry, or was trying to get in that business, anyhow.

The odd part came from the young man doing… whatever he was doing at such an early hour and at the park.

With no desires to start conversations, Logan walked by and passed him, aiming for the bench on the other side of the location. Though, his plans were foiled by the stranger in the dress. It took him less than a moment to notice Logan in the, otherwise, empty park and once he did, he ran to him.

Logan felt the presence reaching him, and as he sighed, he turned around to face the man. Seeing him up close gave Logan a feeling of familiarity. And then it hit him, he’d seen that face around the college campus a few times before. Enough for him to remember who he was now.

“Roman.” Logan greeted, recalling his name for a joined class they had once, the previous semester.

“Hey Logan!” Roman smiled, holding some papers. “I want to ask for a favor.”

Nodding, Logan decide he was ready to accept it. It’s not like he had anything else to do until the shelter opened.  “What can I do for you?”

“Come.” Roman went back to his bench, hoping Logan would follow.

With both there, Roman handed him the papers, that Logan noticed were clipped together. He also noticed that it was a script.

“Can you go around the bench and hold that up for me?” Roman asked before laughing lightly and eyeing down at the seats. “I had them lying there as I recited the lines but I had to keep looking down every time I needed a refresher. This way, I don’t move my head as much.”

“Oh, sure.” Logan held them up behind the bench. “Is this good?”

Roman smiled and signed him an okay. “It’s perfect! I promise I won’t take too much of your time.”

“I’m not really in a hurry to do much.” Logan shrugged. “I’ll just need to be at an animal shelter when it opens, but that is not going to be for another two and a half hours.”

“Animal shelter?” Roman coked his head to the side, eyes lighting up.

Logan didn’t want to answer questions, he moved the script in his hands a bit. “Don’t you have lines to rehearse?”

“Right!” The man nodded, taking a deep breath.

Then, his expression shifted. The friendly, if not a bit too exaggerated face because rigid and devoid of emotion, except for one. Anger.

Shouting came next. Controled, pretend shouting, as Roman read from the script. And even though Logan knew it was make believe, he couldn’t help the shiver that went down his spine from the shouts. Roman was that good.

Proceeding, the mask fell. Roman laughed so much, tears formed on his eyes. As he wiped them away, Roman breathed in and out to calm himself. Then, he looked at Logan, who sensed the apology coming.

“I’m sorry.” Roman sniffed. “Sometimes I can’t be that serious with that happening. Anyway… do you mind if i go through that again?”

“Eh… n-no.” Logan shook his head. “Not at all.”

So Roman did. Once… twice… They eventually moved on from the shouting but Logan stayed there, holding up the script for quite some time.

-

When Logan's wrist clocked showed 8:10 am, Roman said goodbye. But not before thanking him, profusely, as you do when someone holds a script for you for two hours. Logan decided to stay a bit longer. After realizing that it had been 15 minutes since his company left, he moved to return to the shelter.

He arrived just in time to see Roman. On the other side of the door, opening the place from inside.

“So you actually work here.” Logan affirmed.

“Yeah.” A smile greeted him as Roman stepped aside to let him in. “I meant to tell you that before but- you know how that went. So you want to adopt a pet?”

“Well, yes.” Logan nodded, going to the counter. “Do you have any cats?”

“Five of those little furry friends.” Roman got to a hallway on the other side of the room, with a small gate, opening the latch. “Come in.”

Following, Logan closed the gate behind him. Roman stopped a few steps ahead, kneeling down to pet what Logan assumed were the cats. He kneeled down next to his acquaintance, expecting to see old felines. What he saw instead, were kittens. Ones bigger than the others but mostly, still very young cats.

He turned to Roman for an explanation, which he seemed more than happy to provide. “We had a bunch of cats here but slowly, they got adopted. Not before doing the old devil’s tango though.” He laughed. “So now we have these little babies. Take your pick.”

Logan hasn’t meant he spend so much time choosing, he would swear! But all the kittens were cute, with those big old eyes, tiny screeches and pink soft noses. Eventually, he decided on one of the bigger ones, whose fur was… a mixture of brown with black and some tiny and sporadic lighter spots. It didn’t really have a definite color.

Roman asked for Logan to wait there for him to get back with a cat carrier. He put the kitten inside and they went to the counter.

“So that’s about…” Roman used the computer on the other side. “220 dollars, for the adoption fees and the carrier.”

-

Now Logan had a cat. And the cat litter he needed. And some other stuff for cat he got at a pet store, because even though the cat was an excuse for his project, he still needed to make sure the kitten didn’t die. He was out of a lot of money but that would be worth it if it meant bringing Patton back. Or putting a smile on Virgil’s face. But the Patton thing, most of all.

Getting home, he saw Virgil on the couch. Holding the carrier with their new kitten inside, Logan walked to his friend.

“Lo.” Virgil’s eyes widened at him. “… You actually got the cat.”

“I would not have lied about that.” Logan handed him the carrier. “Plus, he is quite adorable, I think you’ll like him.”

“It’s a him?” Virgil asked, opening the carried to get the kitty. He behaved… nicely enough, as Virgil petted his head.

“According to Roman, yes.” His friend furrowed his eyebrows at Logan. “He works at the shelter.”

Virgil nodded slowly and with his eyebrows furrowed, unsure what to make of that statement. "Right.”

“Now, I need to do some chores.” Logan started walking away, going to the garage. “I got him some toys and other things he’ll need. It’s all at the door.”

“Alright.” Virgil’s voice started to fade, the further way Logan got. “You’re a boy huh? Or maybe not, I have no w-”

Anticipating that Virgil could be at the living room when he arrived, Logan had gotten two big bags of cat litter. One he left at the door with the other stuff he bought, while the second one was in the trunk of his car. Once he got that, Logan directed himself to the basement.

The temperature was so cold, Patton’s lips were turning purple more rapidly than they should. Logan rushed to the thermostat to regulate it.

With that, he sighed, opening the bag of litter and putting around Patton’s body. For a brief moment, he wanted to stop. What the hell was he even doing? Death is a natural part of life and so is grief, he tried to remind himself. But that was it, the grief was too much. And Logan was trying desperately to detach himself, to avoid thinking about it and pretend this… whatever he was doing, was a different project.

And now, came the research part. Because of his project was going to work, he needed to be able to revive and restore blood cells so they’d get… the blood running again.

With his laptop on the wooden table close to the wall, Logan entered a focus mode. He was going deep into the internet to find a goddamn solution.

“That sounds a little bit too much.” A voice. Patton’s voice, It was back and breaked Logan out of that focus mode. “I don’t even think it’s possible to do what you’re thinking of, Lo.”

“Your argument hardly matters when you’re a figment of my imagination.” Logan hissed through closed teeth.

“I’m not though. That would be really trippy.” Patton chuckle. “Besides, if I was… you’re intelligent, Lo. This would be you talking to yourself so I doubt that it would hardly matter.”

Turning around, Logan gripped at the edge of the chair he sat on. “Let’s say, I indulge the delusional idea that you are real. Patton’s… ghost or spirit, if you will. What, exactly, are, you, doing, here?”

It’s face fell, a sad smile on his face and eyes that glimmer with forming tears. “Making sure you and Virgil are okay.”

“Clearly,” Logan raised his voice a bit before remembering he shouldn’t, so he lowered it again, “we are not! Virgil doesn’t want to leave the house and I…” He sighed. “I am trying to defy life. What did you expect us to feel after Patton’s death?! I lost a friend, the best I had in years and Virgil- he had also grown very attached to him. So… no, so called spirit of Patton, we are very far from being ‘okay’.”

There was a moment of silence before Logan added more. “And- and, if you’re so worried about Virgil, please share with me this small piece of knowledge that you’ll surely have. Have you talked to him yet? Or has it been only me, huh? If you are concern over Virgil’s mental health, why is it that I’m the only one who gets to see you?”

Taken aback, it stared down at the floor for a while. Logan waited, anger fuelling his impatience. Silence filled the room again, for longer this time.

“Virgil isn’t trying to defy life.” Was all Patton said.

Logan didn’t miss a beat. “And you want to talk me out of it?!” He snorted, turning back to the computer. “You’ll need perseverance for that.”

“And I have a lot.” It hovered on Logan’s shoulder. “I’m gone, Lo. And you can’t bring me back.”

“I can attempt.” Logan hissed again.

“Being trapped in a cold environment that smells like cat litter for hours is how you’re going to do it?”

“If I must.” He shrugged.

“I am worried about you, Lo.” It continued as Logan typed. “At least, talk to someone about it. You haven’t even mentioned me to anyone since you got the news.”

“And I do not need to.”

“If you want to heal, then yes, you do.”

“I will heal,” Logan read from the screen, “when the real Patton comes back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls leave a comment


	4. in which Virgil talks to his cat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a shorter chap, sorry, hope you enjoy!

Chapter four - In which Virgil talks to his cat

Virgil had gotten attached to the damn cat in a matter of mere minutes.

Its strange color fascinated him, for one. He’d never seen a cat with such… weird fur before. It was a given, since he hadn’t seen many cats in his life before. He simply enjoyed how this one looked, different but just as goddamn adorable.

What really hooked him, thought, was its eyes. Dark brown like his own, that was the only thing they had in common, because the cat’s shone with life. If Virgil was to look himself in the mirror at that precise moment, life was the last thing anyone would find in there. Instead, they would see a world devoid of hope and happiness. Except, the cat gave a little bit of those back to him. Just a small portion.

And he still needed to give the cat a name. Patton was the first that sprung to mind but Virgil crossed that one off without a second thought. It could get pretty depressing very fast.

He had arranged a list in his mind:

Butterscotch

Lion

Remy

Alaska…

Virgil had been thinking of names since Logan announced that he’d leave the house to get the feline. Those names were the four he had liked he most. But he didn’t want to decide anything without Logan.

Having spent a long time playing with the kitten and preparing his box as well as opening the toys for him, Virgil ended up losing track of time. By the time he was done, it was already afternoon. He walked up the stairs with the kitten in hands, planning to knock on Logan’s bedroom door, since he figured his friend was up there, probably researching something on his laptop. But when he did, no one responded. He opened it to see that Logan wasn’t there at all.

As he walked down the stairs, the nameless kitten sunk his tiny claws on Virgil’s sleeves. He didn’t mind it, it wasn’t strong enough to hurt. What was strong enough to hurt was the chilly air that came from the basement. It reached his toes from all the way down the stairs and made his spine shiver in response. Had it always been that cold in there? Virgil had never noticed that before, seeing as he’d never been that close to the basement before.

Going down the stairs, the cold temperature seemed to worsen. How the hell was Logan holding up in there with the way he was dressed? A t-shirt, jeans and pair of converse could only do so much.

“Lo?” He called out, leaning against the door leading to the area. “Are you there?”

“Yes.” Logan replied. “Wait a moment, please.”

The sound of a chair risking against the floor travelled through the door, as well as Logan’s unlocking of it. That was the first sign to Virgil that Logan was hiding something.

“What is it?” His friend asked, closing the door behind him.

“Uh-“ Virgil held up the kitten. “I wanted to see if you wanted to help me choose the name for him.”

“Well… sure.” Logan stepped out, going to the living room.

Virgil followed, and sat on the couch right after Logan. They were closer to each other, and as Virgil let go of the feline, he travelled from his lap to Logan’s. The man peted his head, with a visible sort of reluctance.

“What are your ideas?” He asked after some time.

“There’s a small list.” Virgil recited the names. “What do you think?”

Silence came. But it was broken in a minute.

“I do not think he looks like he should be named any of those.” Logan answered, brutal honesty coming through.

“And what does he look like he should be named?” Virgil dared to ask.

“Something elegant such as… Bernard.”

“Bernard?” Virgil arched one eyebrow.

“One of your suggestions was Lion.” Logan argued.

“What?!” Virgil took a defensive stance, his voice cracking. “I like the irony.”

A sigh came from his friend, accompanied by a tired but caring smile. “Alright. We can go with Lion.”

“Yes!” Virgil whispered, grabbing the kitten again and speaking his next words to him. “I wish you could appreciate this.”

He half expected Logan to reply with something like ‘That is a foolish desire’. Instead, the man stood up after saying he needed to return to a task he’d been working on and went back to the basement. Virgil took that to mean that he didn’t want to be bothered.

“So we just won’t bother.” He turned to the kitten. “Right? I’ll just take you up to my room so you can get familiarized.”

After doing so, Virgil left the feline on his bed. He walked on the sheets, his little claws eventually getting caught in it. More than once.

“Okay, no sheets for you then.” His owner grabbed him again as he meowed in protest, Virgil holding him close to his own chest.

Right then, the doorbell rang. Virgil went down the stairs to check through the peephole. The person outside was… very well dressed, with a blazer and all. He had brown hair like Virgil’s own, and dark brown eyes. Virgil didn’t recognize the stranger, but he had no idea if Logan would.

“Who are you?” He asked from inside.

“Roman Kastler, I study with Logan in college?”

That clarified nothing for Virgil.

“Wait a second.” He requested, without waiting for an answer, leaning away from the door and charging towards the basement again.

“Logan!” He shouted, avoiding going down the stairs again. “Someone, Roman Kastler, is at the door! I think he wants to talk to you!”

“Uh…” Logan’s voice came through after a minute. “You can let him in, I’ll just be a minute.”

“Alright…”

With that, he opened the door for the random well dressed stranger. Roman’s eyes went immediately to the kitten Virgil was holding.

“Do you have a name for him yet?” He smiled.

“Yeah…” Virgil petted him. “Lion.”

That got a huff from Roman. “Ironic.”

“That’s why.”

“Roman.” Logan appeared from the basement stairs, looking slightly more annoyed than before.

Although, their guest didn’t seem to notice that shift in mood. Living with someone for half a year managed to get you noticing little things about that person.

“It’s night.” Logan stated. “What are you doing here?”

“I was walking by-”

Virgil shot him a stare that doubted the statement.

“I was!” Roman insisted, turning to him. “My house is down the street, on the other side. Anyway,” He turned back to Logan, “I was kind of curious to see your place to be honest. And I wanted to see how… Lion, was doing.”

Oh wow. Virgil thought. That is really easy to see through.

“That is all?” Logan questioned, his short level of patience showing on the edge of bitterness he had on his voice.

“Y-Yes.” It intimidated Roman. “I’ll be going now, then!” He faced Virgil. “Nice to meet you-”

“I’m Virgil.” He held Lion on one hand and extended the other to the now not so strange man. “Logan’s… housemate.”

“Right!” Roman forced a smile. “I hope to see you again, in… better circumstances. Have a good night.”

He directed himself to the door, and it closed behind him with a bang. Immediately after, Virgil looked at Logan who was already going back to the basement.

“Don’t you think that was a little bit too mean?” He shouted after his friend.

“I was exactly the way I always am.” was the only response he got before Logan shut himself once more.

There was something wrong with him. Was it just Patton’s death? Maybe. Maybe Logan just wanted to be alone, maybe Virgil just reminded him of their decent friend and maybe…. Maybe if he was alone, he wouldn’t exactly feel the loneliness, if that made any sense. It did for Virgil, because it’s how he’d been feeling himself.

“What do you think, Lion?” Virgil turned to the kitten before laughing bitterly at himself and shaking his head in a violent manner. He proceeded to go up to his room. “I’ve already become one of those people who talks to their cat about everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls leave a comment


	5. in which Logan is all angsty and poetic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pleaseeee leave a comment!

“You were really mean upstairs, Lo.” The not ghost of Patton greeted Logan downstairs as he sat down on the wooden chair.

“Uninvited guests are the last thing I need at the moment.” He opened an article on his laptop and continued without so much as glancing at the spirit. “Would you care to leave me alone, since you do nothing but upset me?”

“Oh-” Its voice fell on unattentive ears, it drowning itself in sadness from the statement. “Alright.”

The environment became quite warmer with its absence. It seemed like a side effect, so at least Logan could tell when the irritation was going to come before he saw it. At the thought, Logan let out a long breathe before returning his attention to the article.

It mentioned an experiment on dead bodies gone wrong, blood vessels that explode with the pressure they tried putting on them, skin tearing as a result. Summarizing, they destroyed the the perfectly immaculate corpse. At the end, the writer of the article concluded it was an impossible feat. As Logan read those words, anger mixed in with frustration filled up his heart, watering his eyes and making them feel like they burned. He sunk his own nails into his palms to keep himself from yelling, ignoring the pain from the effort.

Aspirating, Logan existed the article and kept scrolling down the Google page.

“Perhaps I should use a different search engine…” He picked at the skin under his lower lip.

On the Google search bar, he typed in search engines for scientific papers. The results were surprisingly numerous. Logan started from the bottom and picked on from the list off the website. However, it didn’t seem like many scientific scholars were interested in reviving dead people at all. Who would’ve thought?

Logan should have.

He had relied too much on the hope that he’d find an answer ready for him, a step by step guide on how-to. What a foolish thing to do. Logan cursed himself for it, using vulgar words he would never list in front of anyone, ever.

“Okay, so it is the one thing I need to devise for myself.” He closed the websites, downing the laptop’s screen, sprinting up the stairs to his room right after.

Grabbing a notebook, pencil and eraser, he barely spent enough time inside to see that Lion was sinking his claws into the sheets of his bed. On his way back down, however, he caught a glimpse off the feline when he started going down the stairs, having left the door opened before.

He retracted his steps and tried grabbing Lion with the free hand he had. Having to step down the notebook and writing utensils, Logan picked Lion’s nails off the sheets, one by one.

“Virgil?” He called out, holding both the cat and his things again.

“In the kitchen.” His friend responded, the voice sounding a bit distant..

As Logan arrived in the room, he watched Virgil pour a glass of milk on the shortest cup they had. Logan approached with the cat lying on his palm.

“I suppose that is for Lion?” He inquired, holding up the feline in his friend’s direction.

“Yeah.” Virgil put the milk carton back in the fridge and turned to them.

“He was upstairs, on my bed, basically tearing it apart.” Logan announced. “Please refrain from letting him play my things.”

“Sorry, Lo.” His friend grabbed Lion, who was stubbornly clinging to Logan. “I didn’t think he was big enough to climb up the stairs, I just left him on the living room.”

Sighing, Logan open a small smile as Lion gave in. “Kittens this small can’t jump that high, but they are excellent climbers. Just be sure to not let it happen again.”

“Yes.” Virgil grabbed the cup and put it closer to Lion so he could drink the milk. “Promise.”

“Thank you.”

“Eh..,” Virgil said before Logan could walk away. “What, exactly, are you doing down there, Lo?”

“Just an experiment for college.” The man didn’t miss a beat, his voice never wavering with the lie he told. Proceeding, he eyed Lion in a purposefully suspicious manner. “It is Schrodinger’s cat, a project about quantum physics. You see, Schrodinger suggested that a cat is penned up in a steel chamber, along with a device called Geiger counter that used for detecting and measuring ionizing radiation, which must be secured against direct interference by the cat, and a little bit of a radioactive substance-”

“What did the man have against cats?!” Virgil’s eyes widened in terror.

“Nothing, or I would believe so.” Logan laughed. “It was just to pose the question of when does a quantum system stop existing as a superposition of states and become one or the other?“

The boy stopped for a while, eyes ever blinking as he proceeded the information. “What?”

“Seems rather confusing, doesn’t it?” A shrug came from Logan as he turned on his heels. “I might explain everything to do later. I must return to my project.”

“Don’t go killing any cats!” Virgil yelled after him as Logan walked towards the basement, it made the man giggle.

“It was just a joke, Virgil. That is hardly what I’m doing down here, despite it being for college.”

“Oh..”

With that, Logan left his friend with the kitten, returning to his rather somber task. Half expecting to see not ghost of Patton down in the basement, Logan entered the place with a threatening stare. But the apparition was nowhere to be seen, and he sighed in relief in response.

He had an entire week, seven whole days, to figure out how to restart Patton’s bloodstream because after that time was up, college would start again and Logan would have little time to deal with the matter. Even in the mad state he seemed to find himself in, Logan still worried about his grades and future above anything else. Or… at least for now. There were too many variables, too many uncertainties. That night at the cemetery, Logan had forged an strange future for himself, abnormalities in near sight. And now time was of the essence.

But such sense of urgency was hardly pressing now, but later on… Logan hoped he wouldn’t have to worry about it later on.


	6. in which there's Remy being kept in the dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please a comment pls!

In Virgil’s dreams, he saw Patton. It was a rapid apparition, among the sea of crazy and senseless things happening around him and when Virgil tried to follow it, he found himself chasing no one. He yelled out for his dear friend, his lungs seemingly burning and tears forming in his eyes as he ran past the chaos.

“PATTON!”

With his hand punching the mattress, Virgil woke up. Disoriented, he looked around his own room, finding it slightly strange, almost like a new location. It took him a moment to remember he was at home, that he had been sleeping, and that is was probably still the middle of the night. Checking the clock on his nightstand, he saw that it was four in the morning.

“Fuck.” He muttered under his breath, putting hand over his heart waiting for it to calm down, the unsteady fast rhythm leaving him shaken and uneasy.

As his pulse died down, Virgil noticed Lion at the edge of the bed. The kitten had most likely woken up from Virgil’s attack, seeing at he was staring at the man. But after just a second, the feline walked towards Virgil, reaching his hand that lied on the bed to lick it.

Virgil barely took notice of his, breathing in and out, trying to stop the tears from coming in real life.

“I’m not going to cry, I won’t cry-” He kept repeating.

It got to a point where his own voice became a reason for him to do what he said he wouldn’t, his words becoming less and less audible. And then the damn broke.

“DAMMIT!” He yelled out after some time.

His heart physically hurt. His chest felt small and weak, inside there was just pain and the thought, oh the thought, that it was never leaving - not really - was insufferable. If it hadn’t dawned on him before that he’d never see Patton again, now it had.

But it was bullshit, just bullshit, feeling so… needy. Virgil wasn’t hurting for Patton, he was hurting for himself. That is what always happens when someone you care about dies. You’re never thinking about what they lost, what they will never get to see, do and experience, what they will miss. It’s always about it sucks that they are gone, and how they left you alone even it not being their intent.

“Lion.” Virgil address the kitten, picking it up. “I don’t want to go back to sleep.”

And he didn’t.

By morning, Virgil had his laptop on his lap, watching whatever movie on Netflix. His eyes burned with the exhaustion, and from staring at a screen for too long but he paid little attention to it. What mattered to him was that in all that time, even as the clock struck 8 am, Logan never once came to knock on the door.

“Lo?“ He called on his way down, a hand sliding on the handrail.

“Yes?” The man replied, showing up in Virgil’s line of sight mere seconds later.

“You didn’t come knock.” Virgil noted.

“Well, yes.” Logan agreed, nodding as he poured lemonade on a cup. “I did not want to disturb you.”

“Since when do you care about that?” The younger male snapped.

“Since,” Logan handed him the glass, “a mutual friend passed away.”

Staring down at the drink, Virgil regretted the snarky attitude almost immediately. Such simple words even made the hurt from before a bit… more bearable, knowing he had someone to share it with.

“That’s fair.” He mumbled, never lifting his head up. “I’m sorry.”

“Your school resumes in about two weeks.” Logan got another glass for himself. Would you like to be tutored today? I’d understand if your answer is no.”

“It is.” The boy said, with no hesitation.

“Understandable.” His friend nodded, putting a hand over his shoulder. “If you need anything, just yell out. I will be down at the basement.”

As the man walked away, Virgil found himself what exactly the project for college was. And it was a nagging question, so he voiced it.

“It is too complicated to explain it at the moment, I believe.” Logan never stopped to speak. “I shall tell you everything once I am done with it.”

Pain-in-the-ass: YOU HAVE A KITTEN NOW?!

Virgil finally read the latest text message Remy had sent him.

Pain-in-the-ass: I NEED PICS!!

Snickering at his phone, Virgil held it down, pointing the camera to Lion, sitting on his bed and licking himself. Proceeding, he hit send with all five photos he took.

Pain-in-the-ass: I will pretend you just didn’t take an entire day to answer my texts.

A message came in, the second one taking a little bit longer.

Pain-in-the-ass: BECAUSE THIS KITTEN IS ONE OF THE CUTEST LITTLE SHITS! WHERE DID YOU GET HIM? WHY DID YOU GET HIM? I never really pegged you for a cat person, Virge.

Telling Remy that a close friend that died seemed like an impossible task to do, and it’s what Vigil had been avoiding since the phone call. Remy was his best friend at school, and he was such an energetic, feel-good, party person who never really took anything seriously. How do you talk about death with someone like that?

Virgil didn’t remember the last time he saw the boy frown, and he would hate himself if he was the cause for it to happen after so long.

Me: It was Lo’s idea. But I like cats, why wouldn’t I?

Pain-in-the-ass: Dunno, you just don’t have The Face.

Me: Excuse me, what the hell?

Pain-in-the-ass: Don’t ask me, I don’t know how these things work.

Me: I- u know what? fine by me.

With that, Virgil threw his phone on his bed as he lay himself down, sighing. Sometimes talking to Remy, even by messages, became slightly draining. When his phone buzzed again, surely with another text from his friend, Virgil ignored.

“Lion…” He reached for the kitty, playing with the sheets. “I love that you can’t talk.”

He was met with silence.

“Really.” He added. “I can’t thank the universe enough for it.”


	7. in which Logan makes a bargain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! Please leave a comment

Sheets of crumpled up paper lay everywhere. From the table to the floor on the other side of the basement, Logan tossed yet another frustrated plan over his shoulder. Grunting, he turned the notebook over, to reach the next page. He held his pencil on his hands for a while, squeezing as he tried to keep himself from flipping the table due to the 9352745th failed attempt.

“Pressure.” He mumbled to himself as he finally wrote. “I need to build a pressure system.”

It couldn’t be too strong, as to not shattered Patton’s blood vessels but it needed to have enough force to get the blood running for a couple of minutes. Then… hopefully Patton would be back, normal and not needing a pressurized system to keep him alive. It wasn’t too much to ask, just to have his friend alive. Was it?

Logan ran through everything that could push liquid for the umpteenth time. A certain amount of wind, was the most obvious one but highly impractical. And his mind couldn’t find more options. He had used about a hundred that he thought of and none would work. Desperation overtook him, hims grasping his hair to pull it out. As his glasses fell down his nose, he wouldn’t even move to fix it. He started to feel paralyzed, unable to think, unable to mobilize himself, unable to function in any sort of way that was expected for a human being to function. Soon, it would be as if he was down in hell.

“Lo…” The not ghost of Patton’s presence was announced by the cold that came with it, rather than its the voice. “Please, you need to stop this.”

“I can’t!” The man yelled, punching the table with the bottom of his fist, breaking from the earlier paralysis. “And I’m not taking advice from you.”

“I’m your friend, Lo, let m-”

“My friend is dead!” Logan turned on the chair to face the figment of his imagination, pointing at the corpse. “That’s him! Right there! And I am trying to get him back.”

“I’m here.” It continued. “And I can’t go away until you stop.”

“So what if you are his ghost?“ Logan challenged. “What do I get from being emotionally tortured like this?”

“I’m not trying to torture you, Lo.” It approached, the look on his face carrying to much pity that it stung Logan. “I’m trying to help. You know this is unhealthy.”

“You say that if I stop, you’ll leave?” The living one shook his head. “And I miss my friend for the rest of my life? How… How is that fair?”

“Well I know there’s one downtown…” It tried, chuckling a little before noticing that Logan still remained the same. “Lo, death is part of life, you have to move forward. It may not be fair, but it already happened. You can’t change the past, or play with life. You shouldn’t need anyone to tell you this.”

A long silence fell. Logan sighed more than twice during that time, trying to avoid tears.

“Fine.” He finally spoke. “Just… give me a day to return the body to the cemetery.”

The spirit smiled. “Thank you, Lo. I’m leaving now.”

“Goodbye.” Logan whispered, turning back to his notebook.

“Goodbye, Lo.”

Warmth washed over the man once more. It was then that he pulled the laptop sitting at the corner of the table closer to him. With one swift movement, he opened it and waited for the screen to load. Once it did, he went for Google.

He wrote warehouses for rent on the search bar.

Coming out of the basement at… whatever hour Logan did, made him feel as though he was getting out of the house. He couldn’t recall just how much time he’d spent down there, uninterrupted, but it had been quite a while.

Outside, the sun hung up high and that is when it hit Logan that he hadn’t slept at all. For over twenty four hours, he had not stopped to lie down in bed and fall asleep. And as though as the realization alone was enough, all the tiredness he hadn’t felt before came knocking him to the floor as he tried to take steps up the stairs to his room.

His falling down made a thump sound vibrate through the stairs. It also made Virgil run out of his room.

“Lo?” He helped the man up, making Logan walk up with him. “You look awful.”

“I feel perfectly fine.” Logan shot as Virgil kicked the door to his room.

“You feel on the stairs.” The boy pointed out.

“I simply tripped.” The argument was not convincing.

“My ass.” Virgil lay him down. “You didn’t sleep, did you?”

“It may be possible that I have…” Logan took a little longer to say the last word. “Not.”

“Does the insomniac really has to give you a lecture about this?” The boy kneeled close to the bed, resting his arms on the mattress.

“No.” Logan put his head on the pillow. “I am too tired to even move.”

“I’ll leave you then.” Virgil stood up, stopping at the doorway. “Rest well, Lo.”

All Logan did to prove he listened was nod his head, ever so slightly, as he closed his eyes. Hearing the door clicking shut, he was then left for sleep to take him.

The man was awake again at nightfall, his ‘nap’ having lasted hours. And by that time, Virgil was now the one asleep, or so Logan deemed to be true.

Logan managed to slip out of the house without anything to stop him. But as he got past the gates, a figure approached and tapped him on the shoulder. In response, Logan jumped a little before turning to face the other human. Who turned out to be Roman.

“Hey, Logan!” He greeted, smiling. “What are you doing out so late?”

“I was…” There is no reason to lie here, is there? “I want to rent a warehouse, I am going there now to see if it is the ideal one.”

“Ideal one?” Roman snickered. “It’s just a warehouse.”

But it wasn’t.

“Regardless, I’m meticulous.” Logan defended. “And should I inquire why you are out now?”

“Just going for a walk.” Roman shrugged. “I don’t like staying cooped up inside the house for so  long.”

“Understandable.” Logan agreed with a simple nod.

“Would you mind if I joined you?” The man put his hands together in front of his face in a pleading gesture. “I also happen to not like being alone for so long.”

“Of course.” Logan figured there was no harm and would make him seem less suspicious anyhow. “It is not too far from here.”

With that, they took off. Roman talked about his writing classes in college, meaning his dream of becoming a published author. Logan inquired what type of stories Roman liked writing the most, and the responded with fantasy as well science fiction.

“Those are interesting.” Logan said, truthfully. “If you do ever get published, please let me have a copy of your work.”

“Wait,” Roman stopped, pulling Logan by the arm to stop him too. “You really want to read my stories?”

“Of course.” Logan answered, not understanding the implication Roman was trying to make. “Why would I not want to?”

“Eh, well, we don’t know each other all that well. I guess I just thought you wouldn’t be interested.” They picked up their pace.

“Jumping to conclusions will never help you become an accomplished writer.” Logan mentioned, casually.

“True.” Roman nodded before turning to Logan. “Thanks!”

“I did nothing.” Logan shot his head up to the left as he caught a glimpse of the warehouse. “We have arrived.”

“It’s not a big place.” Roman wandered inside as Logan took a look from the outside.

It was indeed rather small, but Logan had known that from the add. The door had been left opened, and soon Roman was calling Logan inside. Surely to meet the proprietor. Logan admired the metal sliding door before going in.

Immediately, he spotted the AC on the top of the far back wall. As he walked towards Roman and the proprietor, he made sure to look around more to see if there were others. And there were.

“This is the renter.” Roman pointed, telling the individual with the phone.

“Logan Anasiest?” They read before shooting their head up to see the man.

“Yes, that is me.” He approached. “Talyn, was it?”

“Yes.” They nodded, returning to their phone and then lifting their head up again to look eye to eyes with Logan. “So you are renting the place for a week, yeah? Here’s the remote.” They fished something out of their pocket to hand to him. “And make sure the door makes a clicking sound after it closed, or else it didn’t, you know, actually close.”

“Right.” Logan nodded and smiled, trying to be friendly. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Talyn smiled back as they walked past them, stepping out. “Take a look around, feel comfortable. Have a good night!”

“You too!” Roman waved as Logan simply watched them leave. Then, Roman turned to Logan. “What are going to put here, buddy? And for a week only?”

“A college project I must finish.” Logan started pacing around. “It was getting too hard to finish it at home.”


	8. in which Virgil gets a visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy! pls leave a comment <3

The phone rang. Once, Twice…

“Hey, hun.” Remy’s cheerful voice came through. “Why you calling, Virge? You usually text.”

Sighing, the boy spoke outright. “I just needed to hear a familiar voice.”

“Do tell.” His friend answered. “What’s wrong, hun?”

“I don’t know.” Virgil lied. “I just don’t feel good. You know… mentally.”

But you know, one of my closest friends being dead might have something to do with it.

“Do you need some company, hun?” Remy asked. “I can be there in five.”

“I mean…” Virgil stopped for a second, closing his eyes. “Yeah, I guess… some company would be nice.”

“I AM ON MY WAY.”

A beeping sound ended the call. Virgil simply let the phone slip from his hands, letting it falling on his lap.

“Remy is coming, Lion.” He warned the kitten, sleeping at his feet. “You won’t have peace and quiet while he’s round.”

He decided to wait for his friend downstairs, leaving Lion on his bed. He passed by the kitchen first, getting himself hot cocoa. When he sat down at the sofa, Logan was walking down the stairs.

“Good evening.” He greeted.

“Hey Lo.” Virgil signalled with a hand. “Remy is coming by, is that alright?”  
“Of course.” Logan grabbed a mug, filling it with coffee. “I shall leave soon, anyhow. I’ll be out for a while.”

“Oh, where you going?” The boy leaned onto the back of the couch, watching Logan pass by.

“Watch a movie with Roman.” He said, nonchalantly.

“Huh.” Virgil smirked. “Is there something happening there?”

“Your question is exceedingly vague.” Logan pursed his lips to the side, with a deadpan look. “But if you mean something romantic, no. That is not the case.”

“Hm.” Virgil turned his back. “Have fun, anyway.”

“You too.” Logan said as he walked away.

Not too long after, the doorbell rang. Virgil let Remy inside, who jumped to hug the boy. Laughing more out of nervousness than anything else, he petted his friend on the back twice.

“What do you want to do, hun?” Remy questioned, directing himself to the bottom of the stairs.  

“I… don’t know.” Virgil closed the door. “I hadn’t really prepared anything.”

“That’s just fine!” Remy held out his hand, waiting for Virgil to grab it. When he did, Remy pulled him along as he walked up the steps. “I’ll just talk about some people in school then. You missed quite a lot during the last week of school.”

Oh yes… The last week before vacation, when Virgil started feeling so afraid of a teacher because she reminded him or her mother that he just stopped going. He’d face to face her again in two weeks.

”Right.” Virgil grinded his teeth as Remy kicked his bedroom door open.

“OH MY GOD!” He screamed, letting go of Virgil’s hand and kneeling besides his bed. “IS THIS LION?!”

“He’s the only cat I have, Remy.” Virgil sat at the edge of his bed, rolling his eyes.

“He is too precious.” The other boy whispered, petting Lion.

The little kitten woke up with a startle, shooting his head up to look around. His eyes focused on Virgil first and then Remy, before turning back to Virgil. It was like he was asking his owner is this other human okay?

“This is Remy.” Virgil gave a small smile, answering. “He’s a friend.”

With that, Lion rested his chin on his paws and let the boy continue petting. Remy spent a while that way, hypnotized by the furry creature. Virgil would even wave his hand in all directions, positioned in front of him, to see if he got any reactions out of the boy. He never did.

“REMY!” Finally, he yelled.

“Yes?!” Both his friend and Lion turned to him, except Lion lost interest almost immediately.

“Nothing.” Virgil sighed. “Just be more present, please.”

“oH!” Remy exclaimed, jumping on the bed, hooking his arm with Virgil’s. “I’m sorry. So… who you wanna hear about first?”

He proceeded to give a list of names, half of which Virgil couldn’t quite put faces to.

“Start with whoever you like.”

 

Remy didn’t get much into the gossip before suggesting they watch a movie on Netflix. At one point, he stared at Virgil and opened his arms slightly. Virgil took it as his friend asking permission to cuddle… which he granted. And it was nice, being in arms that weren’t about to beat him. Though Virgil did flinch once or twice when Remy shifted positions.

“Virge?” The boy called as Virgil embraced himself, trying to focus on the movie. “Hey, hun.”

“Ye…Yeah?” Virgil pressed the spacebar on his laptop, pausing.

“Are you hungry?” Remy asked, squeezing Virgil gently.

“No, eh, not really.” The boy grabbed Remy’s arms. “Do you want anything?”

“Would you grab me some coffee?” His friend requested.

“Sure.” Virgil nodded, sniffing and untangling himself from Remy. “Don’t let Lion sink his claws into the sheets.”

“Got it, hun!”

In the kitchen, Virgil caught Logan on his way out. The man was crouching down, his back still inside the living room and the door practically closing on him.

“Lo?” Virgil called. “Need help with something?”

“No,” Logan straightened out his back before turning to face Virgil, “I am quite alright. I was simply tying my shoes.”

Looking down at the man’s pair converse, the laces were indeed tied. But Virgil had no reason to doubt that explanation.

“Alright,’’ he turned back to the kitchen. “I told you have fun, alright, right? So hm… Bye, for now, I guess.”

“Yes.” Logan gave him the tiniest of smiles. “Goodbye, for now.”

And with that, he closed the door. Virgil was left with his heart aching, but choosing to ignore it, he simply grabbed the filter, water, coffee powder and plugged in the coffee maker. Focusing on the drink seemed more productive than whine over that distance.

 

“Here.” Virgil handed Remy the red mug, with scolding pure unsweetened black coffee, that he had carried all the way up to his room.

His friend smiled, with Lion on his lap, who napped there like it was the actual bed. He seemed just as comfortable, anyhow. And Remy seemed pretty satisfied with that arrangement, seeing as while took the mug, he moved slowly so as to not move an inch out of place and disturb the cat in his slumber.

“What’s with your face, hun?” He took a sip, glaring at Virgil. “It doesn’t look too pretty.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t care about looking pretty.” Virgil snapped, taking a seat at the edge.

“Did making my coffee get you that sour?” Remy set the mug aside, on the nightstand.

“Yes.” Virgil shot, putting the laptop on his lap and unpausing he movie.

Neither said another word. Virgil made sure to have some space between the two of them. He hated feeling vulnerable, being so coddled, being so ignored, being left side just always brought that up, and he never seemed to remember that for himself.


	9. in which Logan distrust the garbage men

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this right after saying i wouldn't be writing shit bc of my messed up sleeping schedule lol hope you enjoy!

Upon hearing Virgil’s voice while he stood by the front door, Logan allowed himself exactly one second for freezing before returning to his usual unfazed self. Telling the boy he had been tying his shoe when in reality he’d been dragging a body bag through the doorway was such an absurd thing, Logan laughed inside. He hadn’t felt like laughing out loud since getting the news his best friend was dead.

The witty if not awful puns usually made him smile, but the deliveries were was made Logan crack with laughter. Once, they had been baking a cake for Patton’s mother’s birthday. Logan was opening the eggs to mix them with the other ingredients, claiming that the mixture still looked too dry.

“We can always give a crack by putting more milk in, aye?” Patton poked at Logan with his elbow, with the dumbest face.

“Patton, I swear to life-”

“Nothing to make it butter by just adding some of this!” He held up a stick of butter, smiling and posing like those people from informatials trying to sell their products.

That’s when Logan had lost it.

The thing about Patton though, is that his puns seemed to become cornier and ‘sloppier’ when he noticed you were sad. So he could make over the top deliveries that always had you laughing. Patton was the sunshine is everyone’s life. And now that was gone too.

As Logan dragged the body bag to the house gate, he forced the memories away. They were too closing to forcing tears, and he was not ready for those.

“Logan?” A voice called as he stepped out. He recognized it as Roman’s.

“Hello.” He greeted, as normal as he could manage.

To himself, it sounded slightly off, like his voice was wobbling. To Roman, however, it seemed no different.

“What’s with the body bag?” His acquaintance shot, obviously making a joke due to the size of the material.

“It’s all the garbage, from the trash cans in the house.” Logan explained, reaching for his car parked on the sidewalk. “I’m taking it to the dumpster.”

At this, Roman’s eyebrows fall into a V formation, as he was confused. “Why? There’s the garbage truck coming in like…. half an hour.”

“I…” Logan’s eyes shifted from the man, to the bag, to the car and back, “do not trust the garage men.”

As he clicked the keys to open the car’s trunk, Roman was silent. Logan figured the man was processing what the hell he’d just said.

And then Roman snickered. “Why?”

“They, are,” Logan pulled the body bag and pushed it onto the trunk, as carefully as he could manage, “awfully, suspicious.”

“Whatever you say,” Roman snickered once more, “Paranoid Antena.”

“Parano-” Cocking his head to the side, Logan decided to ignore the nickname. “I shall leave then.”

When he moved to go around the car, Logan found that Roman was quicker and grabbed him by the arm. Logan stopped, and stared at them man, waiting for him to say something.

“Wait, uh…” The man stuttered out. “I… When the.. The semester starts up again… could I just… uh… stick with you, sometimes?”

Logan thought this to be a strange question but he considered. “Not that I am saying no…. But I’d like to know the why.”

Letting go of Logan’s arm, Roman let out a sigh, his shyness going away and he started gesturing around. “Okay, so the first six months in college sucked for me. And mostly, because apparently people aren’t as opened minded as I thought after high school. I’m in the theater club almost by myself, because the two other students rarely showed up, and everyone else i’ve talked to outside it thinks a man wearing dresses and makeup is unnatural and weird and all that horse’s poop. You didn’t seem to mind it at all, that day when you adopted Lion, though. So basically… I’m just asking to be your friend.”

“Oh,” Logan blinked several times quickly, “that…” he cleared his throat, “I mean, of course, Roman. We can be… friends. I do not understand the time restriction though, it has to wait until we are back in college?”

“No!” Roman said, rather panicky. “I was just… I didn’t want to be alone when it started again, that’s what I meant.”

Widening his eyes, Logan nodded with the understanding. “Very well. We are friends. It’s done. Now, I really should take this to the dumpster, or it might mark my trunk with the terrible smell.”

“Yes!” Roman smiled, stepping back. “Of course. I’ll see you later, Logan.”

“Yes, goodbye for now.” Logan smiled thinly as he finally moved to open the driver’s seat door and sit down to take off.

But of course, he wasn’t going to the dumpster.

He got to the warehouse as the sun was setting. The sky was a mixture of purple and light blue up in the highest parts, fading into yellow at the middle and burning orange with red in the horizon. It was an iridescent display of color, that Patton had always loved. He called it a rainbow in the sky, even though it lacked the colors green and darker blue.

Truthfully, Logan had avoiding actually thinking about Patton before this. He shoved the memories away, never allowed himself to go back and relieve them, he had avoided talking about him to anyone, to the extent where only Virgil knew he was grieving, and solemnly because he was the one to tell Logan the news. Patton, from after that to now, had merely been a science experiment.

Now, there was the full weight of that loss, the full awareness that his friend was gone, the true feeling of emptiness in the spot Patton once occupied. Loss, Logan had figured, wouldn’t be so impactful. Sure, it was loss, you’d be missing something. But humans go on while missing a thousand and one different things, it never seemed to be a problem. Except that when it was death, the death of a loved one, it did strike hard. It took a long time too, but one day it just fell on top of your head, or sped at your chest, crashed into you in some type of way that make you wake up. Like yes, you’ll never see this person again, ever.

You’ll never see their smile, hear their voice, have conversations and laugh with them. Your life, will never be the same because there is a piece that is just not there. And even knowing what piece that is, as you see your puzzle, you find yourself forgetting where that piece was supposed to go. Because it starts fading… so incredibly fast…

And it was what Logan rushed desperately to prevent as he set up his laboratory inside the warehouse.

“You said you were going to stop, Lo.” Patton’s ghostly presence showed, this time, slightly paler.

“I cannot give up yet.” Logan mumbled, resting Patton’s body on the table, never looking directly at the apparition.  

“Lo…” It’s voice, full of concern, sounder closer to the man. “You’re spiralling down, please stop, this isn’t good for you.”

“However many times you repeat that to me,” The man gave it a sideways glance, “it will never be stronger than the pain I feel without him here.”

“I know, Lo, but please-” Ghost Patton insisted. “There’s nothing you can do, this is just messing with your head.”

“I haven’t gone through all the options.” Logan deadpanned. “There’s… so much… I can… try…”

“No, there isn’t.” It said, softly.

“So… many…,” A hiccup broke his words apart, “ways… A lot… too… test…”

“Logan…”  
“IT’S THERE!” Logan screamed, gripping at the side of his head. “THE POSSIBILITY IS THERE, IT HAS TO BE!”

“What if it isn’t?” Ghost Patton asked.

Silence fell. Logan shook his head as he pulled his hair away from his scalp. He felt tears burning his eyes, gripping the sides of his face in frustration.

“Logan?”

“If there isn’t…” He hiccuped again, dropping his hand at his side. “If there isn’t…”

There was no end to the sentence. At least, no end that Logan could voice in between the tears. Somewhere in the back of his mind, something reminded him that this was the first time. The first time he’s cried ever since he was… maybe six years old? His face got soaked, as well as his shirt and jeans. There was so much to get out of his chest and Logan felt like there weren’t enough tears in all of seven billion people actually do it.

“Oh, Lo…” Ghost Patton said and Logan was overcome with a cold sensation.

Upon looking up, he saw the transparent figure’s arms hovering over him, trying to envelop him in an air hug. Rage took hold of him.

“GET OFF OF ME!” He yelled, standing up.

“Logan-”

“You are not Patton.” Logan accused, still crying. “You’ve never been and you never will be. I am going to bring the real Patton back and then you’ll be gone. You’ll be nothing more than a terrifying memory I’ll bury at the very depths of my mind and… soul, if I ever believe in that. Because you will not torment me more, I will not let you torment me anymore than you already have!”

“I’m not tryin-”

“LEAVE!” Logan screamed again, his voice failing at the last syllable.

“Ple-”

“NOW!” His hands became fists with white knuckles.  

Then, silence reigned again. The cold air was gone, Ghost Patton nowhere to be found. So Logan should’ve felt relieved, there should’ve been a moment of finally! in his chest. Instead, there was more sorrow, more grief and sadness.

“Logan?” Some called outside, it was Roman.

An alarm shot in Logan’s mind. **DO NOT LET HIM COME INSIDE** , was what it said. But at that precise moment, Logan couldn’t bring himself to care anymore.

So the metal door slid open, steps echoing through the place. Logan stood with his back to Roman, who was now examining the room.

“Logan, what th-”

And that’s when he saw the dead body, Logan buried. Patton’s now pale almost rotting skin, and cracked purple lips on display on the table.

“Tell… tell me this isn’t real.” Roman gulped. “Tell me it’s a prop, that isn’t anything but the real stuff, Logan.”

Still with his back to the man, Logan shook his head, more tearing falling.

“Logan!” Roman yelled out.

“It’s… real…” Logan muttered out, barely loud enough for anyone to hear.

Bur Roman did. “You are sick, holy sh-”

“I KNOW! I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW! THERE IS NO ONE IN THIS WORLD WHO KNOWS HOW FUCKED UP THIS IS BETTER THAN I DO, ROMAN!” The man breathed in and out, sniffing, sitting on the floor. “And now I don’t know how to stop.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls leave a comment!!


	10. in which Virgil finally cries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am very proud of that last line

Eyelids weighed down, actual eyes burned with the lack of sleep as the brain clearly screamed for it. Virgil wanted nothing more than to lie down and slip into temporary oblivion. Normally, he’d use sleep to escape reality. But part of it had found him in unconsciousness too.

“You seem tired.” The Patton in his head worried. “You should get to bed, kiddo.”

He wished he could. Few things in the world seemed to be as worthy as that particular moment. However, two facts stopped him. One, the nightmares would get him in his sleep and two… Two, Remy snored so loud in his ear, maybe the house would tumble down with the sound from all the shaking.

“Lion…” Virgil whispered, stretching out his hand past his bed to reach the kitten, that lied on the floor nearby. “Logan hasn’t come back yet, has he?”

The feline meow twice at the wall, yawning, before closing his little eyes. Essentially, he had ignored Virgil.

Sighing, the boy grabbed his phone from the nightstand, sitting up himself before getting out of bed completely. On his way out, Virgil scrolled down through his contacts and stopped on Logan’s name. His finger hovered over the call button for all of two seconds.

There was one long boop… and then a second…

“Virgil.” The voice on the other side wasn’t Logan’s. “Hi.”

“Roman, what are you doing with Logan’s phone?” Virgil closed his bedroom door, walking down the stairs.

“He’s with me, at my house.” The man replied. “But he’s sleeping.”

“It’s two am, why aren’t you?” Virgil shot, throwing himself on the couch.

“And you?”

“Fair point.” He bit the insides of his lip. “Look, Logan never mentioned staying over at your house, he just said you’re going out for a movie.”

“A movie?” There was a long pause. “Well yes, I invited after that.”

“Then why didn’t he call?”

“I…” Roman clicked his tongue. “I’m not sure, I’m sorry, Virge.”

“Virge…” The boy huffed before snickering. “Fine. Tell Logan… Tell him he’s a dickhead. Thanks.”

With that, he ended the call, letting his hand fall on the couch while he still held onto the phone. There was just… hopelessness. And the feeling of abandonment.

Maybe that’s why Logan didn’t call. Virgil himself was getting too much, Virgil was becoming too annoying and too much of a nuisance for Logan to handle. It would explain why Logan had been so distant. It simply made sense. But the thought still brought tears to the boy’s eyes.

His father hadn’t wanted him, his mother much less. Virgil hadn’t gotten attached to the idea that Logan, not related to him by blood in any way and only two years older, would want to keep him. But who’d turn down decent housing and care, even if it had been for just six to seven months? Why turn down kindness when all you had known was misery? All the certainty of it was more of less secured and… Virgil had wanted an out, he had gotten one. It just wouldn’t last, apparently. But most of him had already figured.

“Hun?” Remy’s voice descended from the stairs as he did, pulling Virgil out of his own scenarios.

“Yeah?” Virgil looked at him from over his shoulder, and the couch.

“Why are you down here?”

“I was calling Logan.” He stared down at his phone, hands on his lap. “He’s at a friend’s house.”

“And where are you?” The blonde one sat next to him. “I want my best friend back, please.”

“What-”

“You’re shifty.” He continued. “Irritable. Away. Not that you’re much different, usually. You just don’t… feel like the person who’s my friend.”

“‘M fine.” Virgil mumbled, never averting his gaze from his lap.

“Sure.” Remy shrugged, slightly annoyed. “Virgil, you don’t need to tell me shit, but don’t pretend you’re fine when you’re clearly not.”

“Serious Remy has arrived.” The purple haired boy snickered. “I didn’t know he existed.”

“There wasn’t a reason for him to before.” Remy scotched closed, giving Virgil a sideway hug. “Although, I can’t be like this for very long, this form is very unstable.”

“Can it…” Virgil shifted on the couch, sitting face to face with Remy. “Can it hold out a little longer?”

“What for?”

“I need to tell you something.”

And so he did. Virgil told the entire story, from the moment Patton left the house that morning to the moment he had to pass the message of his death to Logan.  
“Patton died?!” Remy yelled, wide eyed. “And you never told me anything?!”

“Yeah… I’m sorry.” The other boy yawned. “I didn’t… know how to… exactly…”

“Well, you just did.” The blonde stared at him with worry. “How are you feeling?”

Good question.

There was a lot in one’s heart when someone close to them died. Anger, sadness, longing, frustration, to name a few. Virgil’s state of mind had been a mess since learning one of the people he most loved in the world was no longer alive.

“Too much.” He shook his head, tears clouding his vision. “There is… a lot… I-”

The words got caught up on his throat as he started crying. And it was a funny thing because Virgil didn’t remember doing that before. Not after getting the call, not as he refused to attend the funeral, not after any of his nightmares. He’d never cried over Patton’s death until then.

“Oh hun…” Remy reached for the boy, enveloping him in a hug.

At this point, Virgil had stopped asking why. There would never be an answer for that. What possible kind of explanation could you have to take off the planet one of the kindest, most caring souls? If you were the Devil that would make sense.

But Virgil didn’t believe in any higher powers. Not the bad kind, not the good kind, not even a neutral kind. There were only humans, and the things they did, the phrases they said, they actions they went through with. There were only humans, and the stuff that they made better or ruined.

There were only humans and death was their byproduct.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls leave a comment!


	11. in which Logan let goes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment!

“That’s Patton.” Roman circled around the table with uneven steps, trembling as he spoke and gulped. “He… I didn’t know he had died! I… I knew him from high school- when- when did he even die?!”

“A week ago.” Logan’s voice came out hoarse and weak as he attempted to respond for the second time.

“And- And what?” The other man yelled out, grabbing at his own hair. “You took him out of the cemetery- you brought a dead corpse into your home- you- LOGAN, ARE YOU INSANE?!”

“Yes.” He admitted, hugging himself.

The response got a snicker out of Roman, who also shook his head and blinked away some threatening tears. Proceeding, he walked over to Logan and knelt in front of him.

“What the hell happened to you?”

“My best friend died.” The one with glasses before to match the other’s stare. “That is what happened.”

“Logan…”

A phone rang. It was Logan’s, sitting on the table closer to the walls. Roman reached for it to read the ID caller.

“It’s Virgil.” He said as a second beep sounded through the air.

To this, Logan only shook his head and turned away. Sighing, Roman pulled the phone closer and answered the call.

“Virgil. Hi.”

“Roman,” The younger one snapped, “what are you doing with Logan’s phone?”

“He’s with me, at my house.” Roman lied, standing up. “But he’s sleeping.”

“It’s two am, why aren’t you?”

Why tell the kid the actual reason?

“And you?” He shot back.

“Fair enough.” There was a click. “Look, Logan never mentioned staying over at your house, he just said you were going out for a movie.”

“A movie?” He turned to Logan, still on the floor, unmoving. “Well, yes. I invited him after that.”

“Then why didn’t he call?”

Because he probably didn’t anticipate staying out for so long. Because, probably, he would have been back home by now, telling Virgil that he’d just seen an optimal movie with Roman. Because he, probably, wasn’t planning on telling the boy the truth.

“I…” Roman clicked his tongue. “I’m not sure, I’m sorry, Virge.”

“Virge…” He huffed at the nickname and then proceeded to snicker. “Fine. Tell Logan… Tell him he’s a dickhead. Thanks.”

And the call was ended. Virgil had hung up first.

“Your friend just called you a dickhead.” Roman threw the man’s phone on it’s owner’s lap. “Just how badly have you been treating him, Logan?”

“Why did you not just…” Logan took a deep breath, “tell him everything?”

“Sure, I was looking forward to tell a seventeen year old kid that his guardian was playing Frankenstein.” Roman crossed his arms over his chest. “Sounds not scarring at all. And I want to have that burden over my head and be responsible for damaging a high school kid.”

There was no verbal response to this. Instead, Logan finally looked at Roman, before turning away again. Next, he put his whole weight on his hands, resting behind his back on the floor, throwing up head up. And that’s when Roman saw the tears.

“I can’t-” He let out a breathe, the weight of the entire situation on his shoulders. “I’m going home.”

As he walked away, Logan didn’t move an inch. As Roman closed the sliding door behind him, Logan still did not move from his spot. As Roman ran back home, Logan did not do more than keep breathing. As Roman got into his room, screamed at a pillow and cursed all the gods, Logan never seemed anything other than a life-like statue.

“Logan…” Patton approached, his transparent figure kneeling in front of him. “Do you see now?”

“I saw it before, Patton.” Logan looked the apparition in the pale eyes. “I… I never did believe I would bring you back to life, did I? Would I have waited two days, if I did? Would I have pushed away Virgil if I did? I always saw it. It is that now… I am actually realizing it.”

“I’m sorry, Lo.” Patton put his see through hand on top of Logan, that rested on his own knees. “I am really, so sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” The living one replied, breathing in with eyes closed. “You are not responsible for your own death. But I am, for my lack of judgement. I should apologize to you. And I am sorry, for treating you so horribly. You deserve better, and you always did.”

“You always did run through all the possibilities until there was nothing left.” Patton smiled, nostalgia all over his ghostly face. “You’re forgiven, Lo. You always are. I wish you every good thing, and for Virgil too.” Note, this is went Logan started crying an ocean. “I wish you both so much happiness to pay for the heartache I caused.”

“You-” He sniffed. “You did not cause anything.”

“This is goodbye.” Patton announced. “At least for now. But I’m always with you, you know it, don’t you, Lo?”

“You will not be, Patton.” Logan shook his head looking down. “That is physically impossible.”

“Come on.” The ghost poked, or tried to, the living’s cheek. “I’m dead but not gone. You have your memories, Lo. And no, I don’t want you to live in them, and forget everything around you. I just want you to know I’m there.”

There was no way for that to be true, Logan knew. But he didn’t want to fight, if you could call anything a fight when it came to Patton.

“Whatever you say, Pat.” Logan opened the smallest of smiles. “Thank for you everything, old friend. I miss you.”

“Always, Lo.” Now the apparition started crying as well. “Thank you too. For being you, and everything else. I love you.”

“I love….” Logan gulped, letting out a frustrated short laugh. “I love you too.”

“Goodbye.” Patton faded as he said.

“Good-” Logan waved at nothing, “bye.”

_Back in middle school, when both Logan and Patton were merely eleven years old, this is where their story starts._

_Logan, new to his school, was a shy child. Unsure of how to approach people, how to talk to them and find common interests, how to connect, he always found himself lonely. He might’ve eaten lunch alone that first day, was it not for sweet darling Patton._

_“Hello!” The pudgy child sat in front of the one with deep large glasses. “What’s your name? I’m Patton!”_

_“Logan.”_

_“That’s a pretty name!” Patton smiled, taking notice of a small book the other boy carried on his hand. “Is that Harry Potter?”_

_“Ah…” Logan looked down at its cover. “Yeah… I just started reading.”_

_“HOW COOL!” The other leaned over the table with eyes that shone like stars. “Are you liking it?”_

_Nodding, Logan set the book on the table, opening it. He flipped through lots of pages until he got to a part with Hermione saying she knew all about Harry because she’d read a lot of books._

_“She’s my favorite character so far.” He announced._

_“Hermione is awesome.” Patton smiled. “I’m a little bit ahead in the series… do you mind spoilers?”_

_“Yes, very much.” Logan pouted pulling his book back, hugging it._

_At this, little Patton used two fingers, locked together, to draw a line from one side of his mouth to the other. “My mouth is shut!”_

_“Not really.” Logan pointed out._

_“Meta… Metaionically.” The brighter kid, eyebrows furrowing as he pronounced each syllable._

_“You mean… metaphorically?”_

_“YES!” He pointed. “That’s it. I’m not too good with big words.”_

_“That’s alright.” Logan tried smiling as well. “That’s why we have school, right?”_

_“Yeah.” Patton sat back on his seat, playing with his food. “Maybe you could teach me some stuff too!”_

_“But I’m in the same grade as you are.” The quieter one protested._

_“Who says you don’t have anything to teach me?” Patton shrugged. “We’re different people, no? Of course you know things I don’t, and me things you don’t know.”_

_“That’s true.” Logan nodded, slowly._

_“So we can learn from each other, right?”_

_“Yeah.” Logan smiled again, this time wider. “You’re right.”_


	12. in which Virgil downright panics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls leave a comment

Waking up the next day had been physically painful for Virgil. For once, since getting the news that Patton was dead, his sleep had been dreamless. He’d been ripped out of the comfortable void by the sound of the door front door opening and closing shut with a bang.

“VIR GIL!” Remy separate the syllables as he yelled and approached the couch.

“What—” Purple bangs blinked his eyes several times, not fully awake yet, “is it?”

“It’s four in the goddamn afternoon, hun.” His friend poked him, protecting his face with only his own arm.

“And-?” Virgil prompted, lying face up. “We don’t have school yet.”

Huffing, Remy started to pull Virgil up by his wrists. “I- am not letting- you fall- into this- depression pit-”

“‘M fine…” Purple bangs mumbled, his body limp.

“What did I tell you yesterday?!” Brown bangs scolded, passing Virgil’s arm around his neck. “I’m getting you out of the house, come on now.”

“Okay!” Virgil hissed. “Can I at least change out of my pajamas?”

“I’m giving you ten minutes.” Remy looked down at his watch. “If you’re not back by 4:15, hun, I’m blasting open your room.”

“Yea, yeah…”

Untangling himself from his friend, Virgil moved slowly as he walked up the stairs to his room. It took the boy just ten minutes to undress and step into his comfortable purple t-shirt, black hoodies and stretchy jeans. As well as some shoes.

“3…2…” Remy urged, leaning on the handrail.

“I’m going, jeez…” Virgil yawned when he got to the bottom. “Where exactly are we going?”

“Dunno yet.” His friend replied, grabbing the boy’s hand and letting go when he flinched. “Hm, sorry, hun. Let’s just go, yes?”

“I don’t want to just…” Virgil looked down at his feet, sinking his hands into the sleeves of his coat, “leave and go somewhere.”

“Be a little spontaneous, hun!”

“That’s exactly what I just said I don’t want to do.” He deadpanned.

Sighing, Remy stepped closer and stared at Virgil’s arms for a minute, with his hands almost touching them. It was his way of asking for permission. Virgil nodded and Remy proceeded.

“Staying home, wallowing in self pity, drowning is grief is exactly what I won’t let you do.” Brown bangs emphasized the last part. “When was the last time you left this place?”

The boy genuinely forgot how long it had been. Furrowing his eyebrows as he thought back, Virgil also pouter.

“Two weeks.” He muttered, after a while.

“Oh, hell no!” Remy snapped his fingers. “We’re leaving now, hun.”

“Remy-” Virgil tried to protest and was interrupted by his friend’s finger stopping right in front of his face.

“The park.” Brown bangs said, dragging Virgil to the door already and turning the knob. “Half an hour. If you still want to come back after half an hour, I won’t stop you.”

Huffing, the one with purple hair rolled his eyes and closed them for a second before replying, “Fin-”

Remy had been pulling him out the door from the moment the boy had opened his mouth. The walk there was plagued with silence and awkward side glances, both from Virgil’s part. From Remy’s side came the usual gossip, plus occasional glances to make sure his friend wouldn’t run away.

Arriving at the park, Virgil was overwhelmed by the sight of people. Too many people. Not enough space and perfect conditions to instigate utter uncomfortableness.

“How long has it been since we got here?” His hands balled into fists, his long nails digging into his skin.

That would leave some marks.

“Less than two minutes.” Remy deadpanned, pulling him along. “Look, there’s an ice cream stand. I’m hungry hun, and I gotta get something cold.”

… He says, despite the fact it was currently windy. He just seemed immune to it.

“I don’t want,” Virgil’s feet caught up, “anything-”

“Didn’t you listen, hun?” His friend poked his arm. “The ice cream is for me.”

“Ok.” Virgil rolled his eyes, locating a bench nearby. “Then at least let me sit down.”

“Go on.” Remy let go. “But I’m keeping my eye on you.”

“I’m sure you are!” Turning back, Virgil yelled as he waved with his hand up.

As he sat down, the boy nestled his knee between his shoulder, bring the collar of his hoodie up his cheeks. The weather was too cold for him, even though the temperature wasn’t all that low. Watching Remy order his giant sundae, Virgil faced away, up at the clouds in the grey bluish sky. Even it was still in mourning. Why couldn’t he be? The sky didn’t have a nosy, overbearing but well meaning friend, for one.

“How long now?” He asked the boy while Remy sat next to him.

“Five minute.” He shoved the wooden tiny spatula on his mouth. “Chill, hun. Stop thinking about home, maybe get Patton off your head for a while. Imagine this is the beginning of summer break, alright? School just ended and we’re celebrating. What would you want to do next?”

“Go. home.” Virgil hissed between closed teeth.

“You, hun,” Remy pointed at him with the spatula, before putting it back between his lips, “lack imagination, that’s what.” He pulled it out, letting the piece slide. “How about bowling? I know you like bowling.”

The question made Virgil raise one eyebrow at his friend. “Do you have the money? Cause I don’t, man.’

“Toch-”

Before Remy could finish, Virgil’s eyes locked on a familiar face. Roman’s, square jawed and puffy cheeked, face. But there was no Logan around. And that was what made Virgil pull his ass of the bench and stride over to the older man. Roman saw him coming and rubbed the back of his neck, eyes shifting from the sides to everywhere else, refusing to settle on the high schooler.

“Where’s Logan?!” He inquired, very close to the college student.

“Virgil-”

“Tell me!” He insisted. “What’s going on with him, why did he suddenly forget to tell me he’s going anywhere, why isn’t he-” That’s when Remy came closer, taking a look at Roman.

“Well, hello.” His friend smirked.

“Remy, back off, please!” Virgil stepped away from him, in Roman’s direction. “Why isn’t Logan with you right now? Did you just leave him at your place?”

“Virgil, this is a conversation you should have with Logan himself…”

“Is he going to kick me out?!” The younger one snapped, crossing his arms over his chest with a shrug. “Is he sick of me, am I giving him too much trouble, is he just done trying to help?!”

“No! Virge- look-“ Roman moved to hold Virgil, but the boy took steps back.

“Is that why he’s been distant?!” Virgil yelled, starting at his own feet, fighting back the stubborn tears.

“Hun…” Remy put his hands on the boy’s shoulders but he flinched away.

“Tell me the truth!” He demanded.

“I am.” Roman promised, kneeling to try and look him in the eyes. “Logan is not kicking you out, Virge, I promise.”

“Lie.” Virgil whispered, shaking his head as he trembled. “That has to be a lie, what else would he do?! You’re lying, I know it. I fucking know it-“

“You don’t know anything!” Remy bitter-laughed before Roman could reply, making a some head turn their way to witness the scene. “You have a small view of whatever’s happening to Logan right now, Virgil. So you’re jumping to conclusions, as you always do.”

“Why wouldn’t he leave me?!” The boy still refused to look at either of them, backing away slowly. “My father did, my mother did not care when I left her house, Patton died… no one ever just fucking stays!” He trembled, more visibly.

“Virge…”

“No!” His voice wobbled as he continued to scream. “Don’t pretend to be nice, don’t do any of this, I’m-”

“Hun, you need to breathe, let us help-” Remy approached, sending Virgil further away. “Virgil…”

“No, no, no, no-” The boy shook his head with increasing speed as the tears finally fell.

At that point, Virgil froze, gripping at the sides of his hair. His face was wet, hoodie getting soaked, and heart beats growing unsteady. Even his palms sweat. His friend and acquaintance both took this time to step closer, alarming Virgil. The boy reacted by turning around and bolting away from the park.

“Virgil!” He heard Remy calling, who shot after him, remaining only a couple of inches behind.

There was no sort of reaction to this.

Remy repeated his name, and somewhere along the way, just fell behind. Virgil had outrun his friend, finding himself completely alone when he finally came to a halt, two blocks down the previous left turn he’d taken. Finding an entrance to the street behind the one he stood, Virgil went in and sat down by someone’s garden fence, not proceeding that fact in its entirety.

His breath took too long to return to its usual pace and by the time it did, the sky had darkened. Cold hit his body but Virgil remained unmoving, scared to make any sounds for unknown reasons.

Even as he calmed down, Virgil couldn’t help but feel all that he had screamed at Roman and Remy was true. Logan’s patience for him had burned out and now he planned to put Virgil on the streets, and it would make sense for him to distance himself before he did so. Would he care if Virgil spent the night out? He had no idea where the older man even was. If Logan returned home, would he even notice the high schooler wasn’t there?


	13. in which Logan visits the cemetery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fduihlaif im loving writing this thing

It was still dark by the time Logan drove off in his car. The night sky almost rid of every last star, and no one passing by the street… A dead weight in his trunk, to make matters a little more morbid. A quite literal dead weight, no pun intended.

Returning his friend’s body to the cemetery did not turn out to be nearly as traumatic or heart wrenching as Logan had thought it would be. Once he made the decision to make his peace with Patton’s death and said his goodbye… there was not much left to mull over. Standing in front of the crave, kneeling down to place flowers he’d gotten on the way… Logan felt nothing but emptiness. He did not know how long he had just stared at the piece of stone, but once the sun was up at the highest point in the sky, he realized too much time had passed.

“I hope…” He started, nodding down at his feet, “I hope I do get to see you again someday, old friend.”

And with those words, Logan turned around to walk away, with no plans to visit that spot again any time soon.

The drive back home had been much worse. Now, he was truly alone. Not even the memory of ghost Patton came to keep him company. Everything was just… done, completed. With all the madness over, Logan would be able to sit home and grief like a normal human being. Like Virgil had been doing, from the start. Maybe they could even do it together. Logan was not sure, exactly, how grieving works.

There was one point, on his way, where Logan just pulled over and stopped. His hands gripped the steering wheel tighter as the car fell on neutral. His muscles hurt but he never let go, because he was feeling it. And that was better than nothing at all. Patton was dead, his best friend in the entire world was dead, gone, no longer alive. Logan was just now realizing it, letting it sink it. But it was taking a while, a long… excruciating… while. The stop had gone on for hours, Logan only kicking the accelerator after he felt that some of his usual controlled posture had come back.

He had hoped to see his, still alive, friend at the couch once he had got home but the boy was nowhere to be found. Even as Logan yelled out his name, going up the stairs and checking every room, Virgil never appeared.

That, in on itself was not a lot to worry about. Checking his phone, he had no messages. None from Virgil, anyhow.

LOGAN WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU RIGHT NOW? CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU GET THIS.

That’s is what he did. Logan hit the call button next to the person’s name and listened to the phone ring. Once…

“Logan!” Roman’s voice came through with a brash tone.

“Roman, what is the urgency?”

“Virgil ran away, that’s what!”

“Come again?!” Logan’s eyes widened as his brain processed the information.

“THE KID RAN AWAY, LOGAN!” Roman replied, anger present in his voice. “And you have to know this is your fault.”

“I…” Logan gulped.

Surely it isn’t? What have I done to drive Virgil away? But seeing as he couldn’t argue for himself, Logan highly doubted it to be true.

“He is terrified you’re going to kick him you, you…” The man on the other end pulled in air, sighing to regain his patience. “I have no idea where he went, but he is scared, alone, and confused. You better find him.”

There was a click, and then the call ended. Logan’s hand fell to his side, his grip on his own phone loosening until it was no longer a grip at all and the mobile hit the floor. Picking it up, Logan shoved it inside his back pocket and ran out the door with the front keys, jumping on his car again.

At stop signs, he tried calling Virgil’s number. Once… Twice… Three times… Four times… Twelve times and he boy never picked up. Logan kept his eyes opened to every corner, every alleyway, ever place he could possibly see from inside the car. After hours, once it was twilight again, Logan stopped at a parking spot and rested his forehead on the wheel. The way the search was going, he’d never find the high schooler.

Trying his phone again, this time, Logan texted.

Virgil, please, tell me where you are. I will come to get you.

I am terribly sorry for pushing you away, please come back home?

I do not want anything bad to happen to you, Virgil, please respond!

Many minutes passed before he actually got a reply.

I’m at the ice cream store, down by the pier.

Logan needed nothing more to start the engine again and start driving. He arrived at the shop less than fifteen minutes later., seeing the younger boy sitting outside staring down at his cup.

“I didn’t think you were such a sentimentalist, Virgil.” He commented, taking a seat in front of him.

“I miss him.” Virgil played with the melted dessert, without having his eyes meeting Logan’s. “That’s all.”

“That’s exactly what being a sentimentalist means.” Logan laughed, half heartedly.

“I know.” The boy shrugged and remained silent right after.

“Roman told me you think I’m going to kick you out?”

“Well,” He let out a breath, setting his cup on the table, “aren’t you?!”

“No.”

“Don’t lie to me.” He huffed, arms crossed over his chest.

“I am not, Virgil.” Logan bent closer, hunching his back with legs spread wide on chair, holding his own hands on his lap. “Please let me speak before you say anything else.” The boy nodded slowly and leaned back. “I did not know how to take the news of Patton’s death, Virgil. I did… many idiotic things and one of them was pushing you away. I never meant to do that, and I am sorry.” The man’s voice wobbled a bit as he gulped and continued. “I’d never throw or kick you out of our house, you are not trash, Virgil or something replaceable. You are human, and my friend. Please come back home?”  
Snickering, Virgil grabbed his cup again and shoved a spoon of liquid ice cream into his mouth. “It’s not like I have anywhere else to go.”

“Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-” Patton’s pleading came through the line, making Logan rolled his eyes.

“Why are you so insistent in meeting him, Patton?” He questioned.

“Well, Virgil is your friend, isn’t he?!” The boy replied. “That’s reason enough for me.”

“If you say so…”

“Is that a yes?!” He asked. “Can we meet at the pier’s ice cream store then?!”

“Sure, Patton.” Logan sighed. “Just let me at least ask him first. I shall call you back with the answer. Goodbye.”

He ended the call before his friend could agree to that term. Launching right upstairs, Logan knocked on the younger boy’s room and waited.

“Ye?” Virgil opened, still somewhat sleepy.

“Would you happen to want to meet a friend of mine at the ice cream shop?”

-

“I can’t believe you bought me with a hoodie.” Virgil mulled, wearing said hoodie very comfortably.

“Patton is just really excited to see you.” Logan shot. “You should have heard him on the phone.”

“Well… I’ll just let him do all the talking.”

“We’ll see how that goes.” He smirked, catching his friend sitting by himself outside, and waving at them. “That is him over there.”

“He seems…” Virgil pouted for a moment. “Colorful.”

“That, is something I cannot contest.” Logan replied as they approached, taking their seats.

“Hello!” Patton smiled, holding out his hand for Virgil to shake. “I’m Patton.”

“Virgil.” The boy mumbled, hesitant in going for the handshake.

When he didn’t, Patton shrugged and pulled his hand back, sitting down. “Do you like ice cream?”

“I guess.”

“Me too!” He continued. “Isn’t it such a cool dessert?”

Snickering, Virgil hung his head down, using his wrist to cover his mouth. Was the boy actually laughing at Patton’s puns?!

“You know what else I think?” The man leaned on the table, holding his own elbows. “That they are the cherry on top of the meal. Nothing is better than eating ice cream after lunch and dinner!”

Holding in the laughter, Virgil replied. “Su-Sure.”

“Have you ever tried coming here on Sundaes?”

Logan watched as his old friend threw a bundle of puns at the young boy, who slowly but surely opened up more with each bad joke. He knew how bad Virgil’s anxiety could get with new people, it’s why they had prepared before coming at all. And why Logan had turned down Patton’s offer time and time again before finally accepting. Now though, it seemed like they were getting long pretty well.

And then the young one excused himself to go to the bathroom.

“Virgil’s such a nice kiddo!” Patton smiled widely, but it came crumbling as he said the next phrase. “He seems… sad, though. Did something happen?”

“A lot.” Logan admitted. “But I think it is his story to tell.”

“Of course.” His friend nodded in understanding. “But hey, how about we do something for him?”

“What do you have in mind?” Logan held his chin, waiting for the answer with interest.

“Does he like cookies?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls leave a comment!


	14. in which there's peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooooooooooooooo boi i cried again

They were in the car now. Virgil clung to the door’s handrail in the passenger’s seat as silence reigned. There was still a lot to be said, he knew. But apologizes and promises had been made, he needed some time to let that sink in.

Logan wasn’t going to kick him out.

At least… not for now.

After Logan had pulled the vehicle into the garage and killed the engine, Virgil moved to open the door and get off, but Logan locked them all first. The young one flinched away from it and slowly turned to his friend with wide eyes.

“I am sorry, I want to talk to you before we go in.” He shifted on his seat, taking his hands off the wheel. “Virgil, how would you feel about therapy?”

“What?” The high school furrowed his eyebrows. “For me, or for you?”

“Both of us.”

Clearing his throat, Virgil bit his own lips in confusion. Proceeding, he opened his mouth but closed it again. He repeated this twice.

“What is the problem?” Logan questioned.

“Logan,” Virgil began, holding the sides of his own face, “I’ve heard you say multiple times you didn’t need therapy because you were a well collected adult who needed no emotional support.” He fired.

“Well, I was wrong, I can admit that.” His friend sighed. “Plus, therapy offers more than just the emotional support. I did my research. And after…” He gulped, grabbing his own hands as he looked down at them, “… losing Patton, I believe we both need it.”

“I mean, yeah…” Virgil’s eyes averted from the man.

“Plus… I have neglected you. Even before Patton.” Logan shook his head, and while the boy snapped his own head at him to argue, Logan explained. “What your mother has done to you, Virgil. All that emotional damage… I helped you get out of the situation, but I never helped you deal with any of it and that is something I regret now, deeply.” He stared at the boy, with firm and unwavering eyes. “You must have suffered, in ways I cannot begin to imagine. And I should’ve done more. I am literally and legally responsible for you for another four months. And you are my friend. I should have done so much more. I am sorry.”

“Logan?” Virgil leaned in, watching as tears fell down the man’s cheek.

“Yes?”

“You’re crying.”

Rubbing one finger under his eye, Logan examined it closer and laughed, half-heartedly. “So it seems.”

Silence fell once more. Meanwhile, Virgil had the time to go back in his mind and find memories of a crying Logan.

“I’ve never seen you cry before.” The boy whispered in realization.

“I do not remember the last time I have.” Logan used the back of his fingers to wipe the tears away but they kept on coming. Soon the man’s face and shirt were soaked with water. “I do not like this.”

Feeling his own eyes rubbing with the threat, Virgil sniffed. “Nobody does, buddy.”

 

From his room, the high schooler heard Logan on the other side. At the same time there was the unrelenting sound of typing, the man also spoke on the phone. Virgil could make the words appointment and psychologist out.

That was one scary thought. Going to therapy. How would he just… pour out his heart and soul to someone he barely knew? Some people may think it’s easier that way, but Virgil was just petrified.

But the sound of his phone ringing pulled him away from those thoughts. It was a call from Remy.

OH SHIT.

Trembling, Virgil dropped the mobile on his lap, watching as it vibrated. Soon it died down, but it started receiving texts instead.

YOU STUPID DEVIL

ANSWER YOUR PHONE

FOR FUCK’S SAKE

… come on, hun.

Just give a sign of life please?

I swear to all the gods Virgil, if I don’t hear from you in the next ten minutes, imma barge into your house while you sleep.

The first text had been enough for Virgil to grab his phone again and hit the call button. Once it went through, he pulled the mobile away from his ears, expecting there to be yelling. Instead, a faint voice reached him.

“Virge? Hun?”

“Y… Yes?” Virgil replied, his heart racing.

“Oh thank god.” Remy sighed. “You’re alive.”

“Yeah.”

“ARE YOU INSANE?!” Now there was yelling.

“Remy-”

“I know it’s tough hun, I know you were scared and shit was happening inside your brain but dammit you gave me a scare!” His friend complained, sniffing.

“Have you been crying?”

“Never.” He shot. “I’m simply sick, that’s all.”

“Right…” Virgil dragged out the first syllable. “Look, Remy… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to c-”

“I know you didn’t.” Remy cut him off. “And I’m not trying to blame you for anything, hun, I was just frustrated. I’m glad you’re okay. Did you talk to Logan, though?”

“I did.” Virgil snickered. “Apparently we’re going to therapy.”

“I mean… that’s good.” Remy replied. “I’ve been saying you need it for the longest time, hun.”

“Yeah… yeah.”

“Now, you lookihere.” He continued. “You’re gonna take this opportunity hun, and wooooooooork with it. I honestly don’t care if you’re scared about this, it’s for your own good.”

“Ugh you sound like a parent.” Virgil giggled.

“WELL I MEAN IT.” Remy shot and sighed. “This is gonna help you, hun. Promise.”

“If you say so.” The boy shrugged to himself.

“I do.” His friend snapped. “SO, there’s lil over a week before we go back to school. Are you excited?”

 

The conversation lasted until night. Once the clock struck eight, Logan called the boy downstairs for dinner and the friends said their goodbyes for the day. Shoving his phone onto his bed, Virgil rubbed his feet with socks on the ground for warmth and left his room.

As he ran down the stairs, he felt Lion brush up against his legs. Proceeding, he stopped to grab the feline so he could pet it as he reached the dining room where Logan was setting the table. Lion was slightly larger now, like, ever so slightly. He still fit in Virgil’s palm from being so tiny. As the kitten meowed, the boy let him fall to the ground and run around to play with things he found on the floor.

“Hey Lo.” Virgil greeted before sitting on the far left end of the table, while Logan set down his plate already filled with food - olive spaghetti and minced meat.

“I have made us both appointments for a therapist downtown for tomorrow morning.” The man took his seat besides his friend. “If all goes well, we’ll have another one on Thursday, that’s my last day before I go back to college.”

“Right…” Virgil grinded his teeth, playing with his fork.

Logan sensed the boy’s hesitance, holding him by the shoulder closest to himself. “I understand your wary, Virgil. I do. So am I, actually. But this will help, I promise.”

“Remy said the same thing.” He shoved a spoon full of minced meat inside his mouth, burning his tongue a little bit.

“Well, he is right.” Logan sat straight in his chair, taking his first bite. Once he swallowed that, he spoke again. “Don’t you think?”

Sniffing, Virgil twisted his lips around before giving an answer. “Maybe. I dunno.”

“Then I’ll ask again tomorrow.” Logan grinned. “And we’ll see.”

As he nodded slightly, the boy used his hands to cup his plate and feel the heat. “We’ll see…”

“How about we bring back tutoring for this remaining week and a half?” His friend inquired righ afterwards. “I will not have you saying no again. You’ve missed way too many lessons in the last couple of days. And it was partly my fault, but I have acknowledged that and I refused to let us get that bad again.”

Midway through Logan’s speech, Virgil found a smile creeping on his own face. Aside from being farther ahead in the materials comparing to his classmates, this meant that Logan really did intend to keep his promises from earlier. The high schooler couldn’t have asked for anything better.

“No, actually.” Virgil shook his head. “I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls leave a comment


	15. in which it all ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes bbs you read that right, IT ENDS HERE. I am done with this fic and i hope you loved reading it as much as i loved writing it

It was five am.

Logan paced in his room, left to right, forward to back. Diagonal to… other diagonal? Point was, the man did not remain still in his room. Because you see, he had a problem left to deal with.

Sure, Patton’s body was underground, where it’s supposed to be. And of course, he had apologized to Virgil and was now making sure he actually took care of his friend. And yes, the first session of therapy had actually gone better than expected, even Virgil agreed, with as much prodding at that took.

So the one issue he had left to care off, the one thing that still managed to get him out of bed at five in the morning… was how he’d left his relationship with Roman. He hadn’t heard from or of the man after he had called to inform him that Virgil was missing. Well that’ s a small lie.

After finding Virgil, Logan called Roman to let him know of that. But the conversation didn’t go all to well.

“Roman, I found Virgil.” Logan recalled him saying. “He was at the p-”

“That’s good, Logan.” He also remembered how the man cut him off. “Bye now.”

And with that, the phone went dead. Logan had his ear burning before taking the phone back into his pocket.

That had been three days ago. What was there for him to do now? Mere apologies would never be enough. And Logan wasn’t even good with those, much less anything that required an elevated amount of emotional tactfulness.

He had backed himself into a corner. A rather lonely one.

He would also be damned if he resigned himself to that.

So all that pacing around was merely to help him formulate some sort of plan. Moving his body helped his brain move and work properly as well.

The apologies were a must. Maybe inform Roman that the madness was over? That he was no longer trying to play God or any sort of omnipotent divinities? Maybe pay for a meal as well, would that come off as bribery?

HOW DOES ONE APOLOGIZE FOR TRYING TO BE A MAD SCIENTIST AND RUINING A POTENTIAL GOOD FRIENDSHIP IN THE PROCESS? Was… there even a precedent? Probably not. Logan would be the person to make one.

… At some time when most people weren’t still asleep.

 

Ten in the morning.

The sound of the TV in the living room reached Logan as he reached halfway down the stairs. Virgil was lying with arms and legs spread on the couch as the man approached to get to the kitchen.

“Morning, Lo.”

“Good morning, Virgil.” Logan directed himself towards the coffee maker. “Would you like a cup?”

“Nah.” Virgil shook his head from the position he lied in. “Had two already.”

“Slow down with the caffeine please.” Logan pleaded as he turned on the machine after putting in the powder.

“However else would I stay awake?” The high school sat up, arms crossed over his chest.

“Having a healthy sleeping schedule.”

“Who has time for that…”

“You.” Logan shot. “You do.”

He felt the boy side eying him, from head to toe, even from that distance.

“Are you going somewhere?” Virgil questioned.

“To repair another broken relationship in my life.” The man grabbed his mug and took a careful sip.

“That sounds so poetic.” The boy teased.

“It’s the truth.”

After he was done with his coffee, Logan headed out, but not without making sure Virgil knew he’d be back. Walking all the way to Roman’s house, he knocked on the door. The person who opened it was the man himself.

With one look, Roman recognized who stood at his doorstep and made the motion to close the door again. Logan used his foot to block the way.

“Roman, please.” He pleaded. “I just came to apologize. I do not expect to have your forgiveness or even friendship but I hurt you and apologizes are in order.”

Staring down at him with a pout, Roman sighed and stopped pushing. He proceeded to stand under the door frame and leaned against it.

“Go on.”

As he breathed in deeply, Logan started. “I am sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone with what… what I was doing. And I- I realized how insane it was right after you left. Which is why I put the body back. And I am taking myself and Virgil to therapy. We have a session, each, tomorrow actually.” He closed his eyes and lowered his head. “If you desire, I’ll never talk to you again. I really simply felt like you needed to know my remorse, and I needed to get it out to move on. I am sorry, Roman.”

Without waiting for an answer, Logan turned on his heels and walked away. Roman didn’t even call him back.

 

“Hello, Logan.” The therapist said in her chair, smiling.

“Hello.” Logan replied, sitting on the couch.

“Where would you like to start today?”

Blinking slowly, Logan pulled in air. “Tomorrow I go back to college.”

“Yes, I am aware.”

“And I am going to meet a… friend again.” He continued. “After I caused him some… emotional damage.”

“You had a fight?”

“Something of the sort.”

“What happened?”

“I’d rather not talk about that yet, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all, please continue.”

“I am afraid.”

“Of?”

“Facing him again. I did apologize, but I am scared of him… never wanting to talk to me again.”

“Understandable. Can you walk me through the scenarios you have in your head?”

“Well… there’s one. In which I get there, I see Roman, he sees me, and he chooses to ignore me.”

_The campus is lively, full of students as expected for a first day. Logan manages to spot Roman at the entrance hall, the man being one of the tallest in the room. He stares for a moment, unaware of doing so until Roman himself matches his eyes._

_“Hey, Lo.” He approaches._

“You believe your actions to have hurt much so much that he’d want to ignore you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“It was a very disrespectful thing, what I did.”

The therapist hummed. “Go on.”

“And I’d probably try and talk to him. And fail. So the rest of the day would be… surprisingly depressing.”

 

_“Roman!” Logan’s eyes blinked several times. “Hello.”_

_“I had a lot of time to think about your apologies, you know.” Roman began. “There was quite a lot to consider.”_

_“Yes, I know.”_

“You wouldn’t try again?”

“What would be the point?” Logan snapped. “If he hates me, than he hates me. And I cannot change anyone else’s mind.”

“That is true.” The woman nodded. “And scenario two?”

“We see each other. He comes up to me and tells me off, right then and there.”

_“You’re good, Lo.” The man says, taking Logan by surprise. “I understand why you did what you did. And I’m glad you came back from it.”_

_“Really?” Logan questioned, holding on to the single strap of his bag._

_“Grief, man.” Roman shrugged. “It makes everyone a little bit crazy.”_

“Do you think he’d the type of person that would?”

“I cannot be sure.” Logan admitted. “I know very little about him so far.”

The therapist hummed again. “Any more scenarios?”

“Only one. And this may be a very Virgil way of thinking but… I go in, we see each other, and he decides to tell what I did to everyone. Just blurt out there on the spot, scream, so everyone can hear.”

_“Yes…” Logan bit his lower lip. “I regretted all I had done as soon as you left the warehouse that day.”_

_“You know, I lost someone too, once.” Roman gulped, blinking away some tears. “My abuela. It’s been a while but we were close. After she was gone I… I wanted to be gone too. And I tried, Logan. For over a year, I mulled over it, over the fact that I had ‘failed’. And then I went to therapy too, and started getting better. I still go, actually. So now there are many days, so many, where I’m just grateful that I didn’t die. Grief is weird and bad and overwhelming and such a black dark mysterious dangerous thing. Everyone has different reactions to it.”_

“That does seem like something Virgil would suggest.”

“It is the one I’m leaning towards.”

“Tell me, what do you know about your friend?”

Logan thought for a second. “That he loves acting, he doesn’t mind wearing dresses or makeup, he does theater in college, he lives in a small house close to mine, he is lonely but kind. Also very loud. He works at the animal shelter where I adopted my kitten from, that he himself has five cats… I think that’s all.”

“Lonely and kind?” The therapist asked. “Do you think someone lonely and kind would be willing to hurt someone else just because that person hurt them first?”

“…Maybe?”

“Logan.”

“No.”

“Then remind yourself of that, until you get back there and actually see the whole situation through. Can you do that for me?”

_“It seems so.” Logan nodded. “Your abuela must have been special.”_

_“She became an angel probably.” Roman shrugged. “She was a lovely old woman.”_

_“I was… so sure,” Logan’s lips curled into a relieved smile as he spoke, “so sure, this would go badly.”_

_“What?”_

_“This reunion.” He clarified. “I believed you were going to hate me forever.”_

_“I might’ve have, to be honest.” Roman admitted. “But my abuela also taught me to be forgiving.”_

“Yes. I think I can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls leave your thoughts on the comments!

**Author's Note:**

> for the love of gods, leave a comment


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